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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29831652">Heads or Tails?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyre_called_my_sandals/pseuds/theyre_called_my_sandals'>theyre_called_my_sandals</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magicians (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse, Abused Quentin Coldwater, Abusive Penny Adiyodi, Awful Penny 23, Dark, F/M, Gaslighting, Hurt Quentin Coldwater, Hurt/Comfort, I’m sorry, M/M, Manipulation, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Protective Penny 40, everyone is oblivious, tw: abuse, tw: eating disorders (kinda), tw: rape, tw: self-harm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:08:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29831652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyre_called_my_sandals/pseuds/theyre_called_my_sandals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Every coin has two sides. When Penny 40 is released from his library bond, he returns home to discover that not everything is where he left it. He only hopes he isn’t too late to fix it. </p><p>——————————</p><p>Set in an alternate post season 4 where Quentin lives and then nothing else goes wrong</p><p>Please check the tags for trigger warnings</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh, William "Penny" Adiyodi/Kady Orloff-Diaz, William "Penny" Adiyodi/Quentin Coldwater (non-con)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Resurrection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi guys!!! thanks for staring this! i tagged it as kinda dark just in case but i only really have a vague idea of where i’m going with this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penny Adiyoni was never one for formalities. Unfortunately, the library was never one for accommodations. Hence, he had been stuck in a gray three piece suit for the past- how long had he been down here anyway? He couldn’t tell. 

He trudged down the length of the tall bookshelves, slowly putting each book in place. </p><p>It had been forever since he was assigned to do something as low-level as this. Knowing the Library, it was an intentional kick to his ego. </p><p>He placed a large black book, on the shelf, and reached for another. And another. And another. </p><p>
  <i> God, is this day ever gonna end?</i>
</p><p>And another. And an-</p><p>“Wo-ah” he shouted, as he found himself no longer in the Library. It was pitch black; a suffocatingly dark void. </p><p>Penny struggled to get his bearings for a few moments more, before a soft light appeared. He noticed he was no longer wearing a suit, but one of his more typical outfits. It was oddly comforting, like entering the warm embrace of who he used to be. Who he still would be, had his identity not been stripped away by a billion year bond to the Library.</p><p>“Hello?” He asked, tentative, looking out at the void. It’s weird having a light on (though he couldn’t quite tell where it was coming from) when the only thing to see is nothing. </p><p>“Hello, Penny.” Penny jumped at the voice behind him, spinning around fast he saw a strange man. “It’s lovely to finally meet you.”</p><p>“Who...?”</p><p>“Hades,” the man said, an unsettling grin spreading across his face, bright white teeth gleaming in the dark. “I’m sure you’ve heard of me- how could you not- but we’re here to talk about you.”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“Yes, yes, and could we please skip the” -his voice raised an octave with mockery- “Me? But how could I ever be important to someone like you? You’re a god! And I’m nothing! What could you possibly want with me?” His voice dropped down to its normal level. “I want you, Penny. You don’t need to know why, but I think you’ll be quite happy with your assignment.”</p><p>“Which is...?”</p><p>“You’re going to Earth, of course! Back with your old pals!” He caught look of Penny’s aprehensive expression, “Come on! You’re not at all excited? I thought you’d want this!”</p><p>Penny was excited, of <i>course</i> he was excited. But he was also smart. “Right....yeah. What’s the catch?”</p><p>“Oh, Penny, always the cynic! The catch? There is none. Now don’t give me that face, I mean it. I send you there with no mission or secret agenda, I just need you to live out the rest of your life. I even cleared your debt to the library!”</p><p>“Why?” The statement felt dumb in Penney’s mouth, but was at a loss for anything else to say, his head filled with so many questions he could never hope to articulate. </p><p>“Why Penney! If I told you that it would ruin the fun! Now brace yourself, you’re about to be one of the only men ever brought back to life by Hades himself,” the man finished his sentence with a wink. </p><p>“Wait, hold on a minute-“ Penny stepped forwards, and landed flat on his back on a pale gray stone, people swirling around him like he was gum on the sidewalk. He slowly got up, and looked around.</p><p>He knew where he was.</p><p>New York.</p><p>——————————————————————-</p><p>Penny ran into an ally, away from prying eyes. He leaned against the cold brick wall, debating his next move. Debate is a strong term though; it wasn’t like he had many options. Or any at all.</p><p>He sent a quick (metaphorical) prayer, hoping Hades wouldn’t have brought him back just to kill him again. With one last deep breath he attempted to travel for the first time in Heaven knew how long.</p><p>In the blink of an eye he was standing just before the front porch of the physical kids cottage.</p><p>
  <i>Oh thank God that worked</i>
</p><p>He found himself oddly nervous, a feeling he didn’t quite understand. Sure, it’d been some time but they’d still want him? And hopefully he’d have time to convince them he was legit before they managed to kill him. 

<i>No time like the present, Penney.</i> 

Right. Time to stop putting this off. Rubbing his hands, he took a deep breath, made his way up the stairs, opened the door, and walked in. </p><p>The common room was empty; a rarity. Penney guessed everyone was at class. What time was it anyway? Or maybe the school had shut down again. He wondered how long her had been gone earth-time. 

Shrugging, he made his way up the stairs, peeking into Kady’s room, unsurprised that it was empty. Distantly he wondered why no one else had been moved in yet. Next he made his way to Quentin’s.</p><p>Penny thought back to when he has first met Quentin. God, he had hated the guy. Slowly but surely though, he became the best (and if he was honest, only) friend Penney had ever had. He opened the door without knocking.</p><p>Quentin was lying on his back, leaning his legs against the wall. He tilted his head at the sound of the door opening, and was met with the stupid grin splitting Penney’s face in half. </p><p>Several things happened at once, though an outsider wouldn’t notice. Penney saw and felt (respectively) Quentin’s face and mind go into complete panick mode, as he jumped up from his spot on the floor and stood up straight and stiff. Penny was bombarded with the fear pouring out of Quentin’s mind in an overwhelming torrent before it abruptly stopped, and Penney couldn’t feel him at all. </p><p>Penney looked for a moment, and was met with solid wards- ones he didn’t think he could break through if he tried. Huh. That was new.</p><p>“P-Penny, Penney! You’re back early!” Quentin said, fidgeting nervously. Penney’s grin dropped.</p><p>“You knew I was coming?” He asked, quirking his head to the side, before realization dawned upon him. “Ohhhh, right. Fuck! I forgot you have that weird copy of me running around! Yeah, no. It’s me, Penney 1.0, back from the dead!” He grinned again, only to be met with angry silence from his best friend.</p><p>“That’s not funny.” Quentin’s voice was like ice. </p><p>“Really Q?” He asked, exasperated. It’d been a long day, he didn’t have the energy for this. “Fine, don’t believe me.” He rolled his eyes and went to go lie on Quentin’s bed. Apparently coming back to life was tiring. </p><p>He laid there for a few moments before cracking an eye open to see Quentin hadn’t moved a muscle. Penney sighed, “What? Man, I don’t know what you want me to say. We don’t mind exactly have a code-word for this situation. I promise I’m me, alright? So can you quit looking at me like that?” Deep down Penney was glad Quentin had enough sense to doubt him, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t act annoyed till the shorter man came around. “And since when are your wards actually good? I couldn’t hear you and your dumbass taste in music even if I wanted to.”</p><p>“For months, now, Penney. When are you gonna drop this? You’re not fooling anyone.” His voice remained icy cold yet angry, something else Penney noted as new. “Are Julia and Eliot back too or did you leave without them?” </p><p>“I haven’t seen them, just getting back from the underworld and all,” Penney retorted, before softening his voice a little. “When are they supposed to be back, I can go look for them”</p><p>“They’re in Fillory, where you’re all supposed to be for the next couple days. Did you take the button and ditch them just to come bother me?”</p><p>“Fillory! Perfect! Let’s go,” Penney reached his arm out to Quentin, who took a step back, causing Penney to roll his eyes. “Are you coming or not, Coldwater?”</p><p>“You can’t travel.” Quentin said, eyes scanning Penney for the button. </p><p>Penney grinned. This was too easy. “My double can’t travel? That’s too perfect! So how about you take my hand, and if I can get us to Fillory, then you have to admit that I’m me. The real me.” Penny reached his hand out a little further, causing Quentin to lean away slightly. “Any day now.” Finally Quentin put his hand in Penney’s and in a moment, they were gone. </p><p> </p><p>In the palace, Quentin wasted no time stumbling a few feet away from Penny, before looking at him with something akin to horror.</p><p>“Penney?” He asked.</p><p>“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, dumbass.” Penney smiled again. “So! Where are the others?” </p><p>Quentin started for another moment before shaking his head, as if he could shock himself out of his stupor. “Um...Oh! Right! Well, uh. I told you Eliot and Julia are here- so is Alice for now, and Josh and Margo sort of moved here permanently. I don’t know exactly where any of them are though. And uh, Kady’s in New York, she has an apartment just over the river in Brooklyn. I can give you the adress if you want it, hold on!” Quentin began fumbling in his pockets for something to write with.</p><p>“Later, Q.” Quentin furrowed his brow at him. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m gonna go see her, I just...I need a few days to adjust first.” He caught the doubtful look on Quentin’s face. “I am! I just can’t do it right away.” It came out sharper than he intended, and he felt a pang of guilt when Quentin flinched. What was that about? He noted that Quentin had been extra jumpy- not that he was ever exactly relaxed- and vowed to asked him about it once things calmed down. </p><p>“Okay.” Quentin swallowed. “Um. Josh is probably in the palace and he can tell us where everyone else is.”</p><p>Penney nodded and gestured for Quentin to lead the way, before falling into step beside him, suppressing a grin at the height difference. The grin fell away naturally when he noticed how thin his friend had gotten. Penney was naturally thin and be accepted there was no way to change that. Quentin was by no means fat when Penney left, in fact he had probably been underweight then too, but now he was borderline skeletal. Penney filed that under the already too long list of things to ask about later. </p><p>It wasn’t long before they arrived at the kitchens, Quentin sending a quick worried glance at Penney before slipping through the door. </p><p>The kitchen, as it was far between mealtimes, was empty except for one man. </p><p>“Q!” Josh exclaimed. “How’d you get here? Did you- Penney?” Josh, clearly confused. </p><p>Penney decided he didn’t have the energy to redo the whole thing where no one believes him. He quickly traveled to one side of the room and then back into his place at Quentin’s side, not missing his slight jump. </p><p>“But-“ Josh started, before giving a defeated sigh, head and shoulders dropping. “Oh god, I’m high.”</p><p>“Uhh not exactly,” Quentin said. “Well, you might be, but you didn’t hallucinate the traveling. That’s how I- we got here.” Quentin took a deep breath. “Josh, let me, uh, formally reintroduce you to the Penney of our timeline. Penney 40. I think.”</p><p>Penney rolled his eyes at the uncertain addition. Would it kill the guy to have any backbone? “Yeah, it’s me. Proved it with the whole traveling thing and all. Any chance you can tell us where to find the others?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m not buying it. I need to go sleep off the high.”</p><p>“Damn it Huberman, it’s me! I helped rescue you form the neitherlands forever ago? And you had those fucked up carrots? Come on man!”</p><p>“I- I don’t think I can deal with this alone. I’m getting Alice.” Josh glanced awkwardly from side to side, fidgeting slightly.</p><p>“Don’t bother,” Penney rolled his eyes. He reached out with his mind to find Alice and quickly travelled to her, grabbed her and reappeared in the room before she had time to scream. </p><p>“What the fuck?” She squealed, looking around. “Penney? Since when can you travel again? And why did you bring me here?”</p><p>“Uhhh Alice?” Quentin said, quietly, still hunched in on himself. “This isn’t our Penney. Or, more accurately, he is our Penney. Like the origional one, from timeline 40.”</p><p>“Oh Quentin you can actually believe that?” Penney cringed at the patronizing in her tone. “How stupid are you?”</p><p>“Hey!” Penney snapped at her, not failing to notice the way Quentin looked down, doubtlessly taking her words to heart. “It’s me. See?” He traveled around the room a few times for emphasis. “What do you want me to do to prove it?”</p><p>Silence. </p><p>“I could bake a truth pie?” Josh tentatively suggested. </p><p>“Sure, fine. whatever. Do what you’re gonna but could you please tell me where the others are so we don’t have to go through this 5 more times?”</p><p>“No.” Alice said sharply. “We aren’t gonna lead you to them until we know if you are who you say you are.”</p><p>————————————————</p><p>Two hours later found all parties satisfied with Penney’s story, and he was told Eliot, Julia, Margo, and Penney 23 were on their way back to the palace and would return early the next morning. </p><p>They considered having Penney go get them, but eventually decided against it. Everyone could use a good nights rest before going through the process of convincing everyone else that he was real. </p><p>So, now, laid in bed, waiting. Despite his exhaustion, sleep wasn’t coming to him. He reached out with his mind to find Josh asleep, dreaming of food. He found Alice asleep but with wards as tight as ever. Quentin was wide awake, with his unnaturally tight wards up high. </p><p>What was with that anyway? Since when had Quentin been good at magic? Well, Penney supposed that was a little unfair. Sure, terms of raw talent, he was one of the worst magicians Penney knew. However when has raw talent counted for anything? It’s practice that counts and Quentin was good, hell he was one of the best. He just had to work for it. But since when had he been any good at <i>wards?</i>

The answer was never. 

Penney thought back to the blind panic he felt in the moments before the wards went up. Add that to the ever-growing list of things Penney needed answered. </p><p>Quentin was majorly off. Not that he had expected everything to be exactly the same, but the smaller man had changed a little too much for the worse.</p><p>It didn’t take a genius to guess that Quentin didn’t like Penney’s double, judging from his cold tone. But Penney couldn’t understand the flinching, nor the pure terror.</p><p>Penney though back to when he had first met Quentin. The man had been jumpy then, especially since Penney had been rather aggressive at first. Maybe his double was the same way. Penney had never once felt that level of fear radiate of Quentin though, even when they were at their worst. Maybe it wasn’t about him. Quentin had a life outside of Penney, maybe something else had him scared.</p><p>A little voice in the back of his head told him that Quentin’s panic has only risen once he walked in the room. The same voice asked if maybe Penney 23 could’ve done something seriously bad to make Quentin this afraid. </p><p>He knew that couldn’t be true though. Penney had grown up in the foster system, he knew abusers. And swore that he would never become one. He couldn’t image any version of him being different.</p><p>He felt Quentin start to sink into sleep, and decided to do the same himself. He was sort of disappointed at Quentin’s wards. Penney used to go in his dreams all the time. He never admitted it, but he liked them. It took him out of his own nightmares and made a reasonable amount of sleep possible for once. </p><p>Oh well. Penney rolled over, prepared for a long night and an even longer day to follow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter one!!<br/>comment if you liked it, i really like reading comments!<br/>sorry if this doesn’t line up very well with cannon, i haven’t seen the part of the show where penney 23 shows up in awhile.<br/>sorry for anything else bad about it too i guess!<br/>thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Bonding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>welp. chapter two, finally. there’s not a lot of plot in this one but i’m a sucker for their freindship (and maybe relationship....idk yet). anyway, enjoy! </p><p>sorry if it’s bad or confusing or if there’s a lot of typos</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penney managed a fitful sleep for only a few hours. It had been a long time since he had needed to sleep, so long he had forgotten how difficult he found it. It was especially difficult in Fillory, where no one knew how to shield their minds. He missed Quentin’s dreams, in which he could always immerse himself and lose connection with everyone else’s thoughts.</p><p>No such luck tonight though. Penney knew he’d have to get some drugs from Earth if Quentin kept this up. </p><p>Penney sighed, rolling off his bed, still somewhat surprised his friends had kept his room in their castle. He took a moment, reaching his mind out to everyone in the castle, noting their moods and locations. Everyone else was asleep, besides a few servants and guards. </p><p>And Quentin. Penney almost missed it, the guys wards were incredible, but he was awake.</p><p>
  <i>Well, it’s something to do.</i>
</p><p>Opening his door, Penney decided to find his way to Quentin’s room the old fashioned way. As he walked along the cold stone floors, he wondered if the smaller man would even want to talk to him. Probably not. </p><p>But he was already on his way, debating what to say once he got there. 

<i>What am I? A teenager doing their first ‘meet the parents’ dinner?</i>

Penney kept his mind focused on Quentin’s, following it to his room. It wasn’t the room Quentin had had when Penney was last here. As king he had one of the royal chambers, which Penney always found uncomfortably fancy. Perfect for Eliot and Margo, and even nice for Alice. Quentin had always seemed out of place in them though, so it was no surprise that he’d downgraded. </p><p>Though not a surprise, it did make Penney a little sad. His own discomfort with the rooms was the unfamiliarity and the anger that some people starved while this room was allowed to exist. Quentin had always seemed convinced he wasn’t worthy of it, like the room had been built for someone much better than him. Penney didn’t like the idea that he finally acted on those insecurities; he found himself hoping something else (like an explosion) had happened in Quentin’s room to make him leave.</p><p>He was pulled out of his musings by his arrival at the door; simple wood devoid of the carvings and embellishments of the royal rooms. </p><p>Penney found himself hesitating, but decided that that was stupid. They were both awake, and were kind of friends, so why not talk? </p><p>Still, he knocked, a first for him. He heard scrambling inside the door, and fondly rolled his eyes, wondering what Quentin could be hiding.</p><p><i>A lot, </i> his brain supplied for him. And yeah, that was accurate. </p><p>It was another moment before the door swung open, revealing Quentin and his new room. </p><p>Quentin looked how Penney expected; small, overtired, and a little scared. His room was slightly more surprising. Penney was expecting a downgrade, but really? Penney had seen closets bigger than this.</p><p>“Penney?” Quentin asks, his voice small yet so loud in the silent hallways. 

</p><p>“The one and- or I guess that doesn’t really apply here,” Penney grinned. He felt physical pain as a result of making such a terrible joke, but it got a smile out of Quentin, which made it all worth it. 

</p><p> <i>When did I become such a sap?</i>

</p><p>“Yeah I guess not. Um...What-what’re you doing up? Was it me? Sorry, I know my wards aren’t great, I’m trying, but...” He trailed off, gesturing vaguely in leu of completing the sentence. 

</p><p>“Nah man, I just couldn’t sleep, your wards are airtight.”

</p><p>“Oh. Cool.” Penney could tell he was halfway zoned out, probably exhausted since he’d been up even before Penney. “Uhh so, if not to yell at me then why’re you here?” Quentin asked, rubbing his face with his hand.

</p><p> <i>Ouch.</i>

</p><p>“I’m bored,” Penney replied. “I was hoping you could catch me up on what I missed. Any chance they’ve invented Fillorian coffee yet?”

</p><p>“Oh, uh, yeah sure, whatever you need, and tragically they have not.” 

</p><p>“Damn.” 

</p><p>“I mean if you really want some I think I have a few Earth dollars I could give you, or there’s probably some in my room at Breakbills- you don’t have to pay me back or anything.” Quentin rushed out. His voice was strangely apologetic, as if he was trying to appease an angry authority figure.

</p><p>“That honestly sounds great man,” Penney said, reaching his arm out. Quentin stepped back quickly. “Well are you coming?” Penney asked, exasperated. 

</p><p>“Oh. Right. Yeah, you wanted me to catch you up. That makes sense. Sorry, I’m really tired.”

</p><p>“I couldn’t tell,” he deadpanned. 

</p><p> Quentin accepted the outreached arm and in a moment they were in Quentin’s room in the Physical cottage. Quentin rushed to put on shoes, having been barefoot in his room, while Penney looked around. Not much had changed. There were a few new knick knacks maybe. 

</p><p>“Did they ever find out if you’re actually a physical kid?” Penney asked, flicking through a random book he found. 

</p><p>“Yeah. My discipline is....are you ready? Hold your applause now...repair of small objects!”

</p><p> Penny lost it. “Dude- that is such a you thing to have as a discipline,” he laughed out. 

</p><p>“I finally know why I was the hero in every timeline,” Quentin joked at his own expense, finishing tying his shoes and grabbing his wallet as Penney’s laughter finally died out. 

</p><p>“You know we could just make coffee here, you don’t have to pay.”

</p><p>“Eliot spiked all of it.”

</p><p>“Even better.”

</p><p>“Every bag with a different potion. Unless you’re down for a fucked up 1v1 game of Russian Roulette...”

</p><p>“Remind me never to take anything from him.” Penney sighed.</p><p>He reached his hand out towards Quentin, who didn’t flinch before taking it, a small victory in Penney’s mind. In an instant they were in a warm grassy clearing and Penney was leading the way out. </p><p>“Um.....Peney? Where are we?” Quentin asked, nervous. </p><p>“Florida.”</p><p>“Florida?”</p><p>“Yes, dumbass, Florida. I grew up here and my first coffee back from the dead isn’t gonna be from fucking starbucks. We’re getting the good stuff. Trust me.” Penney said, glancing back to where Quentin trailed uncertainly behind him. </p><p>It didn’t take long before they were out on a narrow and mostly empty street, where the ocean was in clear view.  </p><p>“I thought you grew up inland?” Quentin said.</p><p>“One, that’s creepy. Two, yes but I moved to the coast when I was eighteen. Worked across the street from the best coffee place on any Earth, and trust me I’ve been to dozens.”</p><p>“Earths or coffee shops...?”</p><p>Penney only smirked in return. </p><p>It didn’t take long before Penney lead them into a small shop, with only a few other customers milling about.  It was somehow cozy despite the blasting A.C. to combat the oppressive Florida heat. It played into the tropical feel just enough to not be tacky while still drawing in tourists. Luckily it just played normal background music instead of weird ukulele covers that drove Penney insane. </p><p> Behind the counter were two tanned men, who took one look at the pair and grinned. </p><p>“Ayyy Penney! Where you been dude? Long time no see!”</p><p>Penney grinned, he had missed these guys. Growing up psychic, you don’t meet too many people you like. Yet Penney could hear both these men’s thoughts clear as day and knew that they were genuine. He could appreciate that. </p><p>“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Penney grinned.</p><p>“C’mon you gotta give up something!”</p><p>“The underworld.” He deadpanned. </p><p>“Price is double if you don’t talk.”</p><p>“Good thing I’m not paying,” Penney grinned jerking his thumb back at Quentin, who looked immensely unhappy with having the attention shifted to him. </p><p>“Damn Penney, who’s the boy toy?” the taller of the of two workers, Johnny, asked, glancing up and down Quentin’s small frame. Penney wasn’t prepared for the bolt of protectiveness that ran through him. He quickly changed the topic. </p><p>“He,” Penney reached back, grabbing Quentin’s arm and pulling him closer to the counter so that they stood side by side, “is someone who needs the first good coffee of his life. Moron has been living on starbucks for 24 years.”</p><p>Penney realized he didn’t actually know Quentin’s age anymore. He’d been 24 last time Penney saw him.</p><p>“And you’re only bringing him here now? Jesus Penney, you are a terrible boyfriend!” </p><p>Penney glared but didn’t bother correcting him, knowing that they would never let it go no matter what he said. </p><p>“I’ll have my usual, and he’ll have-“ Penney glanced over, expecting Quentin to protest not being allowed to order his own coffee, but he was simply staring at the floor, long hair hiding his emotions. “-whatever’s the sweetest.” Penney finished. </p><p>“You’re the boss.”</p><p>Quentin handed over his card (<i>how does he have money on his card? Does he have a secret job?</i>), and threw a few spare dollars in the tip jar before Penney led him over to a small table in the back corner. </p><p>“So.” Penney started. “Give me the highlight reel.”</p><p>“Uhh, well, we finished the quest-“</p><p>“And the library used the siphon to control everything and Eliot got possessed and then you fixed everything, yeah, I got that part.”</p><p>“Oh. Right, sorry.” Quentin swallowed. “How do you know any of that?”</p><p>“I got to read bits and pieces of your books.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay. So then what do you wanna know?”</p><p>“Everything else. How long have I been gone? Did I even get your age right, you were 24 last time we talked.”</p><p>“I was 23 when you, uh, died. I’ll be 25 next month, so you’ve been gone just under 2 years.” Quentin looked up at him, and Penney would swear that he was searching for approval. </p><p>“Why were you 23?”</p><p>“Well, you see, I had been born 23 years ago-“</p><p>“Asshole,” Penney smiled down at the table. “But for real did you skip a grade or some shit? I guess I never really asked but else in our year was 24.”</p><p>“I did in fact skip a grade or some shit.”</p><p>“Weird.” </p><p>Johnny brought over their drinks at that point, and they had another few moments of small talk before he left again. </p><p>“So tell me the good stuff!” Penney urged.</p><p>“I don’t really...” Penney gave him his best bitch face and Quentin sighed. “Okay. So Fillory had an election and made Margo high king, which has made her much easier to live with,” Quentins voice was dripping with sarcasm. “Me and eliot lived together for 50 years, I actually had a son and a wife-“</p><p>“I’m sorry, you and Eliot did what?”</p><p>“Yeah it was a weird day. Nothing I’m telling you is in order by the way.” Quentin took a sip of his coffee. “Damn this is really good.”</p><p>“Told you so. Don’t get used to it.”</p><p>Quentin nodded.</p><p>“Okay, so what else?”</p><p>“Um. I don’t know. Julia’s kind of a goddess now? But not completely? It’s weird.”</p><p>“Sounds like it. What about the other me, how’s he?”</p><p>Quentin stiffened and Peney knew he had killed the mood, he was about to apologize when Quentin started talking. “He’s alright; he’s a bit of a dick, in love with Julia, powers equally unreliable.”</p><p>“Fuck you Coldwater, my powers are completely fine.”</p><p>Quentin snorted “Yeah for now. I give you a month tops before you screw them up again.”</p><p>“You’re really gonna insult your only ride home?”</p><p>“Touché.”</p><p>They lapsed into a comfortable silence, just drinking coffee and looking  around. From a clock on the wall Penney gathered it was 7am; they still had time before they had to go back to Fillory, assuming time still works somewhat the same there. </p><p>“So what’s been going on with you?” Penney asked. </p><p>“Nothing special. My chosen one days might be over. Never thought that’d be something I’d be happy about.”</p><p>Penney grew frustrated, those weren’t the answers he wanted. “Yeah but something has to have happened. Your wards are actually good and you’re all weird and different.”</p><p>“It’s been two years Penney, I don’t know what to tell you.” Penney could sense that Quentin didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He decided to end it for now. </p><p>“Yeah, sure.” Penney looked around, tapping his fingers. He finished his coffee and was bored now. Quentin apparently saw this because he finished the rest of his all at once. “I would’ve waited,” Penney commented as Quentin coughed. The smaller man just shrugged.</p><p>Saying quick goodbyes to Penney’s friends, with promises to be back soon, they left the shop. They made their way back to the clearing, away from where anyone might see them teleport, and landed back in Quentin’s Breakbills dorm. </p><p>As it turned out, the school was up and running again. Penney went to the psychic house to discover that, by some miracle, his room was still there, untouched. Quentin mentioned it only reopened recently so they didn’t have a ton of new students. </p><p>Both men took the time to shower and change. If there was one main drawback to Fillory, it would definitely be the lack of plumbing. </p><p>When it was time to leave again, Penney felt guilt twist in his stomach. He could read it on Quentin’s face, despite his airtight wards, that he was terrified. Quentin didn’t want to go back. </p><p>Penney sighed. He wished he could just give him what he wants. Unfortunately, that was impossible. Maybe once he figured out what exactly had the guy so messed up, he could fix it. With a light grip on Quentin’s forearm, they landed in the dimply lit hallway outside his door. </p><p>They had been there for all of a second when they heard yelling from the throne room. Sharing a glance, they both jogged towards the source of the disruption, ignoring the fact that they could travel there in a split second. </p><p>Instead it took them roughly two minutes before they opened the throne room to reveal six very confused and heated magicians.</p><p>Penney sighed. This was gonna be rough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading! sorry if it was bad! comments are always appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Meet and Greet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahhh chapter three. sorry if it’s bad.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You know there’s something wrong when you’re two out of the eight people in any given room. </p>
<p>There’s a theory that states that if you met your own clone, you might not even recognize them because humans perception of themselves is so skewed.</p>
<p>Penney could confirm that this theory is bullshit.</p>
<p>He absolutely recognized the dumbstruck face staring back at him. He almost wished he didn’t, that’d probably be easier. It’d at least make his brain hurt less.</p>
<p>The silence didn’t waste a moment before becoming awkward and tense. Penney wasn’t used to being the center of attention, and he found he didn’t like it very much. Normally he could get away with standing at the edge of a group, practically a bystander among his own friends.</p>
<p>That’s not to say he was a doormat by any means, he was more than willing to voice his opinion. He just didn’t usually talk unless he had a reason to. If he had something to say now, he prayed someone would tell him what it was, because he was nowhere near ready to meet everyone’s expectations. </p>
<p>Is there a hallmark card for this situation? “Happy ‘I died for two years and let you replace me with an alternate version of myself but I’m back now!’”</p>
<p>God he wanted someone, anyone, to say something. </p>
<p>It was Eliot who broke the silence. </p>
<p>“Well. It appears Josh wasn’t hallucinating. Hello Penney.” His voice was cool and aloof, as if he couldn’t care less if Penney was real or not. </p>
<p>“Nope.” Penney said lamely. Another few moments passed “Well. I have better things to do then stand here so,” he traveled around the room in a circle, stopping in front of each window before landing back beside Quentin, who was completely frozen in place. “I’m me. Did the whole truth spell and everything last night. Are we done?”</p>
<p>“Well nice to see you too,” Margo snarked back at him. </p>
<p>“What ‘better things’ could you possible have to do on your second day alive?” Eliot asked, a false disdain in his voice. </p>
<p>“And where’d you even go this morning?” Margo’s question, in the surface, would appear suspicious and nosey. Somehow Penney knew it was a cover for concern though. </p>
<p>“Got coffee with him,” Penney gestured at the still unmoving Quentin. What was wrong with him? He’d been fine ten minutes ago. “Playing catch-up.” He finished.</p>
<p>“I...See.” Penney forgot how infuriatingly <i>superior</i> Eliot insisted on acting, even around his closest friends. If Penney was still one of those. If he ever was. </p>
<p>The silence stretched on a few more moments. Penney was sick of it. “Nice to see you guys. And-“ he looked at himself, who had yet to speak “-meet...you. I guess.” He paused glancing around. “Bye.” He waved with one hand and, without thinking, brought it down onto Quentin’s shoulder and traveled them both out of the room. </p>
<p>They landed in Penney’s room. It had next to nothing in it, Penney rarely having stayed there. He sat down on the bed and pointed for Quentin to sit at the desk, which he robotically moved to do. </p>
<p>Why had be taken Quentin with him? This was awkward. Would it be more weird to kick him out after bringing him against his will? Probably. He watched as Quentin cautiously brought his knees to his chest on the chair, seeming perfectly content to stare into space. </p>
<p>Penney inwardly shrugged. He was fine with doing nothing together now that he didn’t have to hear the guy’s every thought (though he did wonder if it’d be worth putting up with his stream of consciousness all the time if only so he would know what was going on).</p>
<p>Penney shifted on his bed so he was sitting up with his back pressed to the wall. He crossed his legs and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>Astral projection was weird, and Penney still didn’t quite understand it. It was fun though. He wandered through the castle. There were still six people in the throne room, apparently discussing him. </p>
<p>“I don’t know. He seemed enough like himself.” That was Margo.</p>
<p>“I used the best truth spell I know, and he passed.” Josh.</p>
<p>“Do you know anything, Penney?” Penney jumped at Julia’s words before realizing he was referring to his double. This was already confusing.</p>
<p>“What, like twintution or some shit?” 23 asked. Penney was gratified to know he was the smarter of them. “No, I don’t know. He’s just a person, there’s no more magic coming off him than there would be with any other traveler. He gives me the creeps though.”</p>
<p>“Well anyone would be creeped out by themselves,” Aice reasoned. 23 only shrugged. </p>
<p>“I liked him,” Eliot said. </p>
<p>“He was here for like three minutes for God’s sake!” Penney wondered if Margo had ever had to babysit. He thought she’d be terrible at it. </p>
<p><i>Focus,</i> he reminded himself.</p>
<p>“Yes, but...Quentin seems to like him.” Eliot paused. “I’m...worried about him. And he seemed better standing with Penney...our Penney. You know we really need a way to distinguish you two. What if we branded a 23 on your forehead?”</p>
<p>23 glared across the room, but didn’t comment.</p>
<p>“Yes, daring, we’re all worried about him. But that doesn’t mean we can go around trusting whoever makes him seem marginally less fucked up for an hour.”</p>
<p>Penney wondered how bad Quentin normally was if today was good by comparison. He didn’t know if confirming his worries weren’t baseless made him feel better or worse.</p>
<p>On one hand, he liked that Quentin had other people looking out for him (and it felt <i>really</i> good to rule them out as a possible cause). On the other, he almost wanted it to all be in his head. Plus, Quentin was good at hiding things when he really wanted to, so if things were so bad that other people were noticing....Penney shook his head. </p>
<p>“So we just..keep an eye on him?” Josh asked, uncertain.</p>
<p>Hums of agreement spread throughout the room, and it wasn’t long before they all started to disperse. Penney followed himself (and if <i>that</i> wasn’t the weirdest thought he’d ever had...) out of curiosity, hoping the other traveler wouldn’t notice.</p>
<p>23 stopped at Quentins door, and while Penney did the same thing many times himself, he bristled a little at the way 23 barged right in. He seemed angry upon finding the room empty, and quickly stormed out. 23 lead the way to his own room, which looked basic enough. Penney quickly lost interest. </p>
<p>He made his way to Quentin’s old room, the royal one. Upon phasing through the door, he discovered he was right. There <i>had</i> been an explosion in there. Half the wall was blown out and the rest of the room was covered in black soot. Penney never thought he’d be this happy to see a destroyed room. </p>
<p>He quickly made his way back to his own body, opening his eyes to see Quentin still sitting at his desk, tapping his fingers and staring out the window.</p>
<p>His head snapped towards Penney once the taller man moved, whole body going ridged again before relaxing slightly, though not all the way. Penney raised his eyebrows in response. He really didn’t know what made him think it’d be a good idea to take Quentin with him. </p>
<p>“So. What do you guys even do now?” Penney asked staring at the ceiling. While he would never, ever,  claim to miss the library, at least he knew what he was supposed to be doing. </p>
<p>“I don’t know. We, well, we got the button back so most of us split our time between Fillory and Earth. Margo is full time king-“</p>
<p>“Yeah how the hell is she high king by the way?”</p>
<p>“Oh. uhh, Eliot kind of got dethroned and decided to hold an election to become high king again, but all the talking animals in Fillory, who apparently outnumber the people, wrote in that Margo should be high king and everyone just sorta went with it.”</p>
<p>“That’s....nice?” Penney hated this place. Animals shouldn’t talk and they most defiantly should not decide elections. Not that he was upset about Margo winning, for all her flaws she was definitely a good choice. It was just...weird. “Okay so what about the rest of you?”</p>
<p>“Josh is a chef here, and him and Margo kind of have a thing going. Eliot still helps rule most of the time. Uhhh Julia and Penney are mostly trying to figure out how to control Julia’s weird goddess magic and possibly get him to do magic again. I’m pretty sure Kady’s organizing the Hedges. Alice actually works at Breakbills now-“</p>
<p>“I’m sorry- <i>Alice</i> is a <i>teacher</i>??? That has to be the worst job she could possibly pick for herself,” Penney cut himself off laughing. “Oh those poor students.”</p>
<p>“Thank God you’re wrong, she’s actually dean now.”</p>
<p>Penney furrowed his brow. “What happened to Fogg?”</p>
<p>“Him and Kady went to another dimension and he never came back. She never really explained why.”</p>
<p>“Weird. What about you?”</p>
<p>“What don’t I do?” Quentin said with an uncharacteristically easy smile. “A friend of my mom’s retired and gave me her store in New York since she doesn’t have her own kids, so I provide cash to the masses. It’s actually a kind of cool place, you should check it out sometime. I’m also pretty sure I might technically still be king? I don’t know, I help Margo and Eliot sometimes. And everyone else really; I don’t have any huge goals so I just do stuff whenever they need me.” He shrugged. </p>
<p>“Huh.” Penney thought for a minute. He had no idea where he could possibly fit into all of that. </p>
<p>He had no time to form a better response before Eliot burst in the door. “Hello, my fellow miscreants! I’m here to invite you to my royal feast!”</p>
<p>“Eliot it’s like 11 in the morning,” Quentin protested. </p>
<p>“And?” Eliots voice was sharp. “We start in fifteen minutes. Don’t be late.” He spun around and walked straight out of the room, not bothering to close the door. </p>
<p>Penney looked at Quentin, eyebrows raised in a silent ‘is he always like this?’ Quentin looked back in a similar manner, face saying ‘I think he’s gotten worse since you left.’</p>
<p>“We should get dressed,” Quentin said, standing up. </p>
<p>“Get dressed?” Penney raised his eyebrows.</p>
<p>“Y-yeah, uh, Eliot does like us wearing our Earth clothes at his events. He won’t hesitaste to kick you out.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take my chances, thanks.” Penney said.</p>
<p>“Suit yourself,” Quentin said walking out of the room. </p>
<p>Penney sighed, leaning back against the cold stone wall. Why the fuck would Eliot think a feast would be a good idea after how awkward this morning was? He wondered what the consequences of missing out would be. What would they really do about it? But, like it or not, he did need to build up their trust, and ditching them did not seem like the right place to start. </p>
<p>Another few minutes passed before Penney decided it was time to leave. He wandered through the cold hallways, forgoing traveling in favor of an excuse to be late. </p>
<p>Upon passing Quentins room he heard a loud crash.</p>
<p>
  <i>Figures, I’ve never met anyone besides him who’s actually bad at getting dressed.</i>
</p>
<p>“Hey dipshit, you’re supposed to stay on your feet.” Penney yelled through the door. </p>
<p>“Fuck off,” Quentin’s voice was strained. Penney got the weird sense that he should open the door, but shrugged it off, making his way once again towards where he was pretty sure the dining hall was. </p>
<p>He walked in to find everyone except Quentin and 23 already there. </p>
<p>“Which one-“ Josh whispered too loudly to Margo.</p>
<p>“40.” Penney responded. They all nodded, and Eliot pointed which seat he was supposed to take. </p>
<p>The table was set for only the 8 of them. Margo and Eliot were both at the heads. On Margo’s left was Josh, then Julia, then empty seat. On her other side was Alice and then two more empty seats. He was instructed to sit next to Alice. </p>
<p>A few moments later, Penney-23 came into the room and sat between Eliot and Julia, leaving only one seat open for Quentin, which would be between Penney and Eliot. Penney noted that his counterpart joined him in resfusing to take off his Earth clothing.</p>
<p>The man in question came into the room only a moment after than, dressed in casual Fillorian clothes. It was closer to (though not quite) what a servant would wear than a king, but at least it wasn’t Earth clothes Penney thought. Looking closer he realized Quentin seemed like he was in pain. His whole body was tense and he seemed like he was suppressing a grimace. Maybe he was just always like that though. Either way, confronting him in front of everyone definitely wasn’t Penney’s plan.</p>
<p>“Wonderful! We’re all here!” Eliot clapped twice and servants came out carrying platters of food. They were in and out so fast Penney didn’t even have time to figure out who to thank before they left. God, he hated the feeling of being waited on, it was so uncomfortable. </p>
<p>There was a lot of food on the table, none of it familiar. He hated this place. Luckily the choice was taken out his hands. </p>
<p>“Now Penney,” Josh said, looking at him, though sparing an awkward glance to his counterpart. “I will be making your plate, because I will stand for nothing less than your first real meal- truth pie doesn’t count- alive being the best you’ve ever had.” </p>
<p>Josh awkwardly reached for his plate and Penney handed it to him without protest. “All yours man.”</p>
<p>Once Josh began creating Penney’s plate, the rest of them began taking food. It wasn’t long before they were all eating, and <i>fuck</i> if Josh didn’t deliver when he said this would be the best. Penney told him as much, and smiled fondly at the guys self-satisfied smile. </p>
<p>The meal was...shockingly pleasant. It mostly consisted of Eliot and Margo planning how to deal with the various  problems their kingdom was plagued with. Once in awhile, the others would chime in with similar problems or suggestions. Penney himself didn’t say much of anything, content to just observe, and he noticed that Quentin was hardly better. </p>
<p>Quentin only participated twice, both times only because he was asked something directly. Penney thought the old Quentin was annoying, and vividly remembered praying that he would learn to shut up. And now he did, and Penney found himself missing his old friend.</p>
<p>Calling Quentin his friend was still strange in a way. They had some huge fights at first, and it took a long time before they could even be in the same room without fighting. In hindsight Penney could admit he started most of it, but Quentin had pushed back. The evil part of Penney’s mind wanted to test if he still would. Penney never listened to that part of himself.</p>
<p>But they were friends, really good ones in fact. Penney never really felt like he was part of this group, and that feeling was never more present than now. He didn’t consider himself friends with Eliot, Margo, or Josh, and he still kind of hated Julia. Him and Alice were friendly enough, and he of course loved Kady. But Quentin was his only real <i>friend.</i> And now it was like Penney didn’t even know him. </p>
<p>“Hey, Earth to Penney,” Penney snapped back to reality at Margos yell. Upon him making eye contact, she continued, “I said, feasts over. We have a meeting in here soon, so scram.”

</p><p> Penney rolled his eyes but stood up. Everyone except Eliot and Margo left the room and quickly made excuses to go elsewhere until only Penney and his double were left.

</p><p> <i>Of course they planned this.</i>

</p><p>“So....We fucking doing this or what?” 

</p><p>“Yeah I guess we have to sooner or later.”

</p><p> The two men made their way down the long hallway, heading to wherever seemed private enough. There was a lot to talk about. 

</p><p> <i>Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity.</i>

</p><p> Sometimes Penney’s own thoughts were the most annoying ones he had to hear, he realized as he followed his double to wherever he was leading.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading, i promise the next few chapters are gonna be more interesting!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 2 Cents</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>chapter 4!!! oh my god i’ve gotten nothing done today writing this</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At the end if a long walk, throughout which neither of them said anything, time found Penney and Penney out on secluded balcony on an upper level of the castle.</p><p>“So. Timeline 40, huh?” Penney asked. </p><p>“Yeah, nice place you got here.”</p><p>The silence stretched on. Penney was getting really fucking sick of awkward silences. Plus there was something about...himself, that put Penney on edge. He seemed off somehow. </p><p>Maybe seeing yourself would always be weird, but Penney couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something else. </p><p>“Alight, listen,” 23 said. “I’m here, you’re here. I get that I kinda replaced you, and that’s weird. All of this is really, really fucking weird. But all your friends- all <i>our</i> friends- would be dead if it wasn’t for me. I’ve earned my place here, and honestly I don’t fully trust you yet.”</p><p>
  <i>Wow, okay. He’s really just going for it then.</i>
</p><p>“Chill man, I wasn’t planning on trying anything. I get that this is your timeline too now. I’m good to co-exist if you are. And for what it’s worth I don’t trust you either.”</p><p>23 nodded and looked out at the view again. </p><p>“What happened to your powers?” Penney asked. </p><p>“It’s a long story; basically my choices were to lose them or die. I can’t cast or astral project. I can travel technically but I have zero aim so that’s worthless. I’m still psychic for some fuckin’ reason though.”</p><p>Penney nodded, wordlessly expressing sympathy. </p><p>“How’d you die?” </p><p>Penney chucked a little. “You familiar with the library at all?” 23 nodded. “Well, they have something called the ‘Poison Room,’ and the name is accurate. I went in there looking for something and got poisoned. Shocking, I know.”</p><p>It was 23’s turn to nod.</p><p>“What are we gonna do about the name thing?” Penney asked. </p><p>“I volunteer you to start going by William.”</p><p>“Yeah fat chance.”</p><p>They paused again. </p><p>“I guess just go with numbers?”</p><p>“Yeah that’d make the most sense. Fairness and all that.”</p><p>They went back to looking out at the view. </p><p>“So. What are your overall thoughts on this timeline?” Penney asked. </p><p>“It’s nice- better than mine. Everyone’s alive for one thing.” </p><p>Penney could not believe how hard he was to talk to. Is this what everyone else experiences with him? He hoped not. And he thought Quentin didn’t have social skills. Speaking of Quentin...</p><p>“Hey, why are Quentin’s wards good now? When I left he was broadcasting his every thought and now I couldn’t hear him if I wanted to.”</p><p>23 laughed. “Oh my God, you noticed that too? Well, actually, yeah, of course you did. Jesus christ he has to be the worst magician I’ve ever met.” Penney bristled at this. He knew it was hypocritical- he had the same thoughts more than once, but that didn’t mean anyone else, even if it was himself in a weird way, was allowed to say it. “I don’t really know how he did it- my Quentin never did.” He paused. “Probably got sick of me being a dick to be honest, I couldn’t stand listening to him all the time. You know how it is.”</p><p>And Penney <i>did</i> know how it was, and he himself had been a dick more times than he could count. That didn’t mean anyone else was allowed to be. </p><p>“How much of a dick?”</p><p>“No permanent damage,” 23 quirked before seeing Penney was serious. “Chill out mama bear, he’s fine. I’m you, remember? I wouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t.”</p><p>Logically Penney knew that was true, but something about the way he said it didn’t sit right with him. He hated the way 23 casually admitted to doing things to Quentin. Penney himself didn’t really do anything in specific, he was just generally a dick. </p><p>
  <i>Is he why Quentin’s like this?</i>
</p><p>Maybe Penney had been too quick to dismiss this possibility at first, not wanting to believe that he could do something like that.</p><p>But Penney knew everyone Quentin talked to, and none of them would ever hurt him. Well, actually most of them had. But even when Julia locked him in his own head, he hadn’t been this bad. </p><p>Penney didn’t know 23. If he had to place his money on anyone hurting Quentin, it’d be the newcomer. </p><p>He tried to remind himself that Quentin was just weird sometimes. The smaller man was undeniably fucked in the head, there was no reason to assume it was anyone’s fault. </p><p>But Penney survived this long following his gut.</p><p><i>You haven’t survived this long,</i> his brain unhepfully informed him. Penney had to admit that was a fair point. It didn’t mean he was going to take it into consideration. Penney had maybe two people alive who cared about him, and he damn well wasn’t about to ignore the signs one of them was being hurt. </p><p>Him and 23 stayed on that balcony for a long time. They talked on and off, about their thoughts on everyone, and what happened in timeline 23. </p><p>Penney could see why 23 might hate his own Quentin, and prayed he wasn’t projecting that onto Quentin 40. Though (considering he projected his love onto Julia 40) Penney guessed that he did, at least a little. </p><p>Penney talked about the Library and what he did in the two years he was gone. 23 shared a lot more detail on what happened with the monster. </p><p>They were on the same page on all of it by the end. Or at least that’s what Penney let 23 think. In reality, a lot of what he said pissed Penney off. </p><p>He tried to understand that he wasn’t there; he didn’t experience it, and hindsight’s always 20/20. It didn’t do much. So many of them had almost died so many times when the obv solution was <i>right fucking there.<i></i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>Still, at the end of the conversation Penney felt better. He had a clear understanding of what he missed and what everyone was thinking about him, and even knew what he was going to do now that he was back. </p><p>He was gonna find out what was wrong with Quentin, and when he found out who was responsible- Penney stopped that train of thought. He could cross that bridge when he came to it.</p><p>————————————————————</p><p>The next few days were boring. Penney mostly played taxi for everyone. </p><p>The highlight was definitely when Quentin brought him to his store in New York. It was a small shop, tucked between many that looked just like it. But the inside was the closest thing to magic most people would ever see. The floor was soft carpet, and the ceiling had a mural of the galaxy so realistic it made Penney’s head spin. </p><p>It was a bookstore, and for some reason also sold pastries so good they’d make Josh jealous. Apparently Quentin’s mom’s friend’s old employees basically ran the place and he just owned it. He came in fairly often to check in and handle any issues though.</p><p>Penney and Quentin spent the morning there, talking about nothing in specific while Quentin went through paperwork or something boring, Penney didn’t really listen. He spent most of the time walking up and down the tall shelves, admiring how <i>different</i> it felt compared to the library. The library was open and spacey, yet felt claustrophobic. Somehow, Quentin’s crammed bookstore  with tall shelves and hardly any space felt perfect though.

</p><p>After about two hours, Quentin had done everything he needed to, and they headed out. Today was the day Penney was going to talk to Kady. </p><p>He told Quentin that he needed to come to help him convince Kady that he was real, but deep down he knew he just wanted moral support. They walked through the city; it was a nice day. Plus Penney was stalling. </p><p>But all too soon, they were there, and Quentin was leading the way in. The Hedge base was in a large warehouse, sectioned off into different ‘rooms’ by tall dividers. Quentin easily navigated his way to what looked like Kady’s office. </p><p>Quentin jokingly knocked on the wall, as there was no door. </p><p>Kady looked up at him and smiled. “Hey Q,” she waved before nodding as she greeted Penney. “What brings you here?”</p><p>There was a beat of silence, and a penney noted that his friend clearly hadn’t prepared for this. “Ummmm,” Quentin awkwardly looked between Penney and Kady,  “it’s....about Penney.”</p><p>“Okay, what about him?” Kady was clearly losing her patience. </p><p>Penney took this as his que. He traveled from one side of the room to the other, and then landed once more directly in front of Kady. “I’m back,” he whispered down at her. </p><p>Kady looed, horrified, at Quentin, who nodded his confirmation. “Holy shit!” She yelled, throwing her arms around him. “But, but how...why..?”</p><p>“Shhh shhh it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here, I’m back,” he grinned.</p><p>“But-“</p><p>“Someone important needed me alive. So I’m back, no strings attached.”</p><p>“Oh my god,” she was close to tears as she pressed herself against him. “If this is some kind of prank I’ll kill you,” she whispered.</p><p>“I know you will,” Penney said. And though he he’d never admit it, he was nearly crying too.</p><p> </p><p>Penney and Kady spent awhile together, Quentin having snuck out of the room at some point. Kady was kind of pissed that he didn’t come see her right away, but she said she understood. Eventually they decided to go home to Kady’s apartment. 

</p><p>Penney practically ran out of the office, to find Quentin practicing spells with a few random Hedges he seemed to know. Penney quickly dropped him off in Fillory and then walked, hand in hand, with the woman he never dreamed he’d see again for a few blocks. </p><p>The apartment itself was average: one bedroom and fairly small, but to Penney it was the best place he’d been in two years. It wouldn’t be dramatic to say this was one of the best nights of Penney’s life.</p><p>——————————————-</p><p>Much to both parties dismay, morning came and they both had responsibilities. </p><p>“Kady?” Penney asked, lying in her bed while she got ready for her day. “How often do you talk to Quentin?”</p><p>“Uhh I don’t know. He stops by with money every now and then since he’s the only one with a regular job. Once in awhile he’ll help out with something if I need him. Neither of us really have a ton of time for a social life. Why?”</p><p>“I don’t know, he’s just been so weird since I came back?”</p><p>“Penney, it’s Quentin. He’s always weird.” She sighed, sitting down again. “I know what you mean though; he’s all quiet and jumpy.” She trained her eyes on the floor before continuing. “He came by a little after magic came back, but he’d been off for awhile before then. He had me teach him to ward his mind, and then asked for a bunch of self-healing spells. He didn’t really explain why.” She stood up again, and continued getting ready. “I don’t know what’s going on with him but it’s not good.”</p><p>“Yeah no kidding.” Penney thought for a minute. “What do you think of the other me, Penney 23?”</p><p>“I don’t really spend a lot of time with him, he gives me the creeps.”</p><p>“Yeah me too. I can’t tell if it’s just because it’s weird seeing another version of myself, or if he’s actually bad news though.”</p><p>“I’d go with your gut, something about him is definitely off,” Kady confirmed. “I know he’s proven himself, hell: he’s saved my life before, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s hiding something.”</p><p>“Yeah...” Penney said. </p><p>Pretty soon it was time for Kady to go back to the Hedge base. Penney promised he’s stop by later, but he wanted to check in with everyone else first. </p><p>With one last kiss goodbye, he found himself in the palace once again. He reached out with his mind to find Margo, Eliot, Quentin, and Josh, were in the palace.</p><p>
  <i>Everyone else must be out or back on Earth.</i>
</p><p>No one seemed to be in immediate danger, so he weighed the option of just heading back to Kady now. He decided at bare minimum he should thank Quentin first. </p><p>He walked to the aforementioned man’s room, knocked once on the door and announced that he was coming in. He heard Quentin shout “Hold on a minute” but it was too late and Penney had opened the door. </p><p>Quentin didn’t have a shirt on.</p><p>Within seconds of Penney opening the door he did, but by then it was too late.</p><p>“What the fuck, Coldwater?” Penney yelled storming toward him. </p><p>“I’m sorry- I- I’m sorry,” Quentin stutter out, holding his hands out in self-defense and backing away from Penney. </p><p>Penney stopped short. Fuck. Yelling probably hadn’t been the right choice. But-</p><p>
  <i>Oh my God, what the fuck happened to him?</i>
</p><p>Quentin was bone thin, and Penney didn’t doubt he could play the xylophone on his ribs if he felt like it. And that wasn’t even to mention the marks. </p><p>Bruises of every shape, size, and color were littered down his torso, and there were clear handprints on his arms.  There were a few cuts still only scabbed over, and an uncountable number of scars that definitely hadn’t been there when Penney left.</p><p>And in an instant, Quentin had a shirt on and it was all covered up. If Penney didn’t know better he’d think everything was normal. </p><p>“The fuck happened to you?” Penney asked, all anger gone from his voice, replaced with a deep deep sadness. He closed the door and sat in front of it, blocking anyone from entering and Quentin from leaving. Not that Penney thought there was a high risk of him running, as Quentin was still backed into the corner, seemingly scared Penney was going to lash out again. </p><p>“Nothing,” he said, voice tight. </p><p>“Cut the bullshit, man.” Penney said, but there was no aggression in his voice. </p><p>“Nothing ‘happened’ to me Penney. It’s Fillory. Stairs move, trees move, turtles fly.”</p><p>“So you expect me to believe you fell down the stairs, got hit by a tree, and attacked by a flying turtle?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“And let me guess, the centaurs are the reason you don’t look like you’ve eaten in weeks?”

</p><p>“Maybe they are!”

</p><p>“Quentin.” And oh, he could tell the moment his friend realized he was serious. </p><p>“Look, Penney, it’s not a big deal-“</p><p>“Not a big deal my ass!”</p><p>“Just let it go-“</p><p>“No!” Penney yelled, louder than he meant to. “Listen, Quentin. I don’t really do the whole ‘feelings’ thing? But this,” he gestured to Quentin, “is fucked up. Just tell me what happened.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“So I can fix it? Or at least beat the shit out of someone. Not you, idiot,” he added seeing Quentin tense up again. 

</p><p> Quentin just stared at him. 

</p><p> “Was it me?” Penney asked. “Well, other me, you know what I mean.”

</p><p>“No!” Quentin said too quickly. 

</p><p> Penney raised his eyebrows, standing up, “I’m gonna kill that bastard.”

</p><p>“Penney that’s not what it is-“

</p><p>“Then what the hell is it?”

</p><p>“You wouldn’t get it-“

</p><p>“Then explain it to me!”

</p><p>“You don’t want to know-“

</p><p>“Don’t tell me what the fuck I want to know!”

</p><p> The room went quiet, both men breathing heavily. And then, without a word, all of Quentins wards came crashing down.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry if these are getting inconsistent, i’m trying. i hope you liked it! next chapter will be out soon</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️CHECK THE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THE TAGS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penney was sucked into Quentin’s mind. The memories, as Penney quickly identified them, were weird. </p><p>He wasn’t watching them, but was a part of them. Penney was Quentin in these memories, watching himself, Penney, talk to him, Quentin. His brain hurt. </p><p>Penney knew that the Penney in Quentin’s memory wasn’t him, it was Penney 23. </p><p>
  <i>So this is what happened after I died.</i>
</p><p>—————————————————————</p><p>Quentin was in his room at Breakbills when Penney burst in, hardly sparing a glance to the small man on the bed. When Quentin looked up, it took him a minute to remember to be afraid. </p><p>He hadn’t been scared of Penney in a long time, and almost forgot that he had to be again. </p><p>“H-hey, Penney-“</p><p>“Shut the fuck up.”</p><p>Quentin winced. This had been going on since they’d taken 23 from his timeline, he didn’t know what he was doing wrong. Penney just hated him, even more than the old Penney did at first. And that was saying something, considering Quentin thought that Penney 40 was legitimately going to kill him a couple times. Quentin tried to be nice; but everything he did seemed to serve only to piss Penney off.</p><p>Penney was scanning Quentin’s room, quickly becoming frustrated at the lack of whatever he was looking for. </p><p>Quentin stood up, “Can I help-“</p><p>Penney whipped around and punched Quentin in the shoulder. Quentin stumbled back a few steps, shocked. Unfortunately for Penney, he hit his wooden shoulder.</p><p>Unfortunately for Quentin, this made Penney, if at all possible, even angrier. He quickly swooped in, delivering a sucker punch, causing Quentin to double over as pain spread throughout his body. Penney was breathing hard as he quickly shoved Quentin, who landed harshly on the floor, and stormed out of the room.</p><p>Quentin slowly recovered, just focusing on taking one deep breath after another. He wondered what to do about this. In the end he decided on nothing. What was there to do? Go crying to his mommy? No. He’s had worse than this, he could deal. Besides, it was probably just a one time thing. </p><p>——————————————————</p><p>It was not a one time thing.</p><p>After seeing that Quentin wasn’t going to stop him, Penney only got worse.</p><p>He took every chance to punch, degrade, and hurt Quentin. </p><p>Memory after memory, Quentin relived it all.</p><p>Every hit, kick, punch, and slap.</p><p>Every insult, threat, mock, and laugh. </p><p>Every time he looked in the mirror and saw a maimed body he didn’t recognize. </p><p>Every time he hid and lied to his friends. </p><p>Every flinch, flashback, and nightmare.</p><p>Every time he had to lie to avoid sleeping with Eliot, not knowing what his boyfriend would do if he saw the bruises. </p><p>And that was just before they got magic back. </p><p>—————————————————————</p><p>Quentin had every intention of staying in Castle Blackspire forever. He wouldn’t say he was happy about it, but he was committed. It felt like he could finally do some good. </p><p>He wished it could be different, but he made his peace with it, and hoped his friends would too. If his punishment for killing a god was to spent eternity in a monster castle then so be it; he was prepared. Penney even have him one last goodbye beating.</p><p>But of course, no good plan ever works. In what seemed like the blink of an eye, he was in an apartment with everyone again. Everyone except Eliot, of course. </p><p> He vaguely remembered his time as Brian, but not a lot. It felt more like a dream than anything. He thought he remembered it being peaceful though. Brian wasn’t obligated to live with a psychopath following the target on his back. Then again, who was Quentin to decide who was in the right? Maybe this was what he deserved for not staying in Blackspire.</p><p>But now, limited as it might be, there was magic again.</p><p>———————————————————</p><p>Quentin was very sensitive to reality, he had been ever since Julia locked him inside his own mind. He was terrified of losing his grip on the real world and becoming lost in his own head. Someone, apparently, told Penney this. </p><p>Quentin began having dreams about Penney. And then the next day it’d happen for real.</p><p>Or sometimes, something would happen and then he’d dream about it. </p><p>Sometimes he’d have completely random dreams that never happened in real life.</p><p>Sometimes in a dream or in real life, Penney would be nice to him. Joke around, laugh. Move a little too fast and act concerned when he flinched. Make Quentin doubt if Penney had ever actually hit him. Maybe it was all in his head; it wouldn’t be the first time. </p><p>Sometimes he’d dream about the mental hospital, and the dream would end with him falling asleep, and he couldn’t tell which was the dream anymore. </p><p>Sometimes he’d wake up within a dream so many times, he’d live a whole week in his head before waking up to discover it was only the next day. </p><p>Sometimes he’d dream about a day from weeks ago and think he made the rest of it up. </p><p>Sometimes he couldn’t tell if he was hallucinating.

</p><p>Sometimes he’d mention something that happened and everyone would look at him like he was crazy. He couldn’t tell if he was awake or not anymore. </p><p>Did he already live this day? Was he alive? There’s Margo- wait wasn’t Margo in Fillory? She’s not there anymore. Neither was he. What was happening? He couldn’t remember anything. Who was he? Why was he here? Who were these people? The monster? They killed the monster. No, no that was the beast! Right? No the beast wasn’t real. Mom? Why was his mom here? No that’s Julia. Who’s Julia? Why was this happening to him?Why couldn’t he remember anything?</p><p> </p><p>Quentin had his first moment of clarity in weeks (he thought, his concept of time was skewed). He found Kady and practically begged her to show him how to create functional wards. </p><p>Magic comes from pain, they say. Well Quentin had never felt worse, and he had the wards to prove it. His mind was no longer an open meadow, but a fortified castle with bulletproof windows. No one would be getting in ever again. </p><p>It only took a few days of experiencing time the way he used to to realize Penney had been fucking with him. Big time. As stupid as it seemed, up until now Quentin had thought that maybe they could work it out at some point. He now knew that would never happen. He didn’t want it to anymore.</p><p>He wondered how Penney learned to control dreams to that extent. The old Penney could barely stop Quentin’s nightmares, never mind terrorize him for that long. Maybe this Penney was more powerful? His world was worse, it’s possible he was forced to improve or die. Quentin didn’t know how to feel about that. </p><p>He ignored it: there were bigger things to worry about. </p><p>———————————————————</p><p> Unfortunately, his wards didn’t go up until after the worst of it had already happened- Not that he was sure it would’ve helped.</p><p>Quentin was sleeping when Penney burst into the room. He started awake. The taller man ripped his blankets off and flipped him onto his stomach. Quentin tried to scream and found he couldn’t.</p><p>
  <i>Silencing charm?</i>
</p><p>It wouldn’t have been the first time. Penney had once taken away his ability to talk for almost a week. Everyone thought the monster, who was off doing God knows what, had done it. The monster was possessive over Quentin especially, so it wasn’t unbelievable that he didn’t want Quentin talking to anyone else while he was gone.</p><p>Quentin never corrected them.</p><p>Penney flipped him over and pinned him down, sliding down his pants.</p><p>
  <i>Oh no. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Oh God, please no.</i>
</p><p>Quentin began struggling for all he was worth, the closet thing to fighting back he’d ever managed. He was thrashing under Penney’s weight, but to no avail. </p><p>Penny punched him, hard, again and again until he stopped struggling. Then he had his way. </p><p>Quentin had always thought that was a stupid phrase; it way oversimplified what actually happened. Now though, he could appreciate the comfort of euphemisms; they created a barrier between you and the truth.</p><p>He did it once. Quentin wanted to kill himself.</p><p>Twice. Quentin felt like he wouldn’t need to bother anymore.</p><p>Three times. Quentin was in excruciating pain.</p><p>Four times. Quentin couldn’t feel anything.</p><p>“You’re fucking pathetic, Coldwater,” Penney said too loudly in his ear before he left the room with one last kick to Quentin’s side.

</p><p>Quentin cast the strongest healing spell he could under Library restrictions. He didn’t know how long he spent in the show afterwards. </p><p>It happened 6 more times, each night worse than the last.</p><p>He never found out of it was real or not. He didn’t think he wanted to know.</p><p>Quentin found it really hard to eat after this. He wasn’t sure why, but one bite of food had him feeling like he’d throw up. He had bigger problems though.</p><p>—————————————————————-</p><p>The monster was gone and everyone lived. Quentin tried to push down the part of himself that wished he didn’t.</p><p>Life went on. </p><p>He spent weeks caring for Eliot until he was okay. He got a bookshop/bakery. He kept his wards up high. He helped his friends with their various missions.</p><p>Now that his boyfriend was back, things got a little easier. If nothing else, Quentin had someone to depend on, even if the other man would never know just how much he was helping.</p><p>Penney realized he could no longer get through Quentin’s wards. He took to other methods of torture.</p><p>He started grabbing Quentin and traveling him to various places. Quentin spent time near naked in the Arctic, and time on the edge of active volcanos. He once spent two days alone in some kind of forest. </p><p>Half the time he hoped he’d die just so Penney would have to tell the others what happened. The other half he hoped he’d die so it could all finally be over.</p><p>Luckily this only lasted a few weeks before Penney lost his magic again. That was an improvement. He could no longer travel Quentin to different places, nor mess with his wards, nor test battle magic on him. </p><p>It was back to basics. Beatings, verbal assault, threats, non-lethal poisons, and anything else he could think of. He even bombed Quentin’s room, allegedly by mistake. Quentin was almost inclined to believe him, as he never bothered bragging about it or rubbing it in. Almost.</p><p>Quentin was sick of doing healing spells. He only did them before his and Eliot’s dates, just incase. Otherwise, what was the point if we was just going to get hurt again anyway?</p><p>Eliot and Quentin didn’t sleep in the same bed in Fillory: Eliot had a wife after all. Quentin was equal parts grateful and loathsome for this fact.

</p><p>Then Penney 40 got back.</p><p>Penney 23 didn’t like that. Quentin had been taking harsh beatings, sometimes multiple, every day this week. Eliot was busy, and the two of them hadn’t seen much of eachother, and so he hadn’t taken the time to heal himself. </p><p>And then Penney 40 came into his room. </p><p>—————————————————————</p><p>Penney 40 was roughly shoved out of Quentin’s mind, but his wards didn’t go back up. Quentin was letting him feel all the hurt, shame, anger, fear, embarrassment, and pain that still hummed inside his thin frame.</p><p>Penney just stood there. He knew he needed to respond, to say literally anything to put an end to the panic he could feel building in Quentin’s chest, but what was there to say to that?</p><p>
  <i>Fuck.</i>
</p><p>Yeah, that just about summed it up. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Quentin said. “I-I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t’ve...I didn’t mean to-“</p><p>“Fuck, Q.” Quentin didn’t respond to that, unsurprisingly. “I’m- I don’t know what the fuck to say to that.” Penney could hear how hollow his voice sounded. He didn’t know what to do. He assumed his natural reaction to something like this would be anger, but it wasn’t. It was just heartbreak. He wished it was anger. He didn’t know what to do with heartbreak. </p><p>“You can’t tell anyone.”</p><p>“Like hell I can’t, Q!” It felt weird to use the nickname; it felt like it was someone else’s, like he wasn’t meant to say it. But he figured if his friend ever needed extra comfort, it was now.
</p><p>“Please?” Penney looked up. Quentin was on the verge of tears, and <i>damn</i> if that didn’t hurt to see. He could still feel Quentin’s mind, though it was more muted than before. His friend was terrified, and so deeply sad.</p><p>“Quentin, I.....” Penney had to stop to collect himself. “I can’t let him get away with this. I can’t let him keep doing this.”</p><p>“Okay, great! So Penney’s just gonna go play the hero and ignore what I want! Fucking typical!” Penney winced a little, forcibly holding himself back from yelling. He could feel how angry Quentin was, but he could also feel that there was only fear behind it. </p><p>“You know it’s not about that-“</p><p>“Then what the fuck is it about Penney? And don’t you <i>dare</i> say you’re trying to help me, because if that were true then you’d actually fucking listen!”</p><p>Penney took a deep breath. Now was absolutely not the time to lose his tempter. “Okay, okay. Quentin, imagine if this was happening to someone else, alright? You’d do anything to stop it, even if they didn’t want you to. I know you think you can or that you should have to handle it, or some other low-self esteem bullshit. But you have to understand that I can’t just let this go, because if it were anyone else, neither could you.”</p><p>Quentin didn’t respond, which Penney took as a sign he was relenting. </p><p>“I won’t do anything without talking to you first, okay? But you know I can’t take this and do nothing with it,” Penney said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. </p><p>Eventually, Quentin nodded. And Penney breathed a sigh of relief. </p><p>He stood up, and extended an arm out to Quentin. “Let’s go,” he said simply. He could feel Quentin’s hesitance. “Chill out, we’re not doing anything today. Unless you want to get it over with?” Quentin shook his head. “Alright, then we’re taking a day off.”</p><p>Quentin carefully grabbed a hold of Penney’s arm and in the blink of an eye, they were in New York. Penney pulled out the phone Quentin had gotten him (how did everyone just take his money all the time? Penney felt so guilty every time he bought anything for him) and sent a quick text to Kady, telling her something came up and that he’d text her later. </p><p>“Alright Coldwater, dealers choice, where to?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading!! i hope this chapter made sense, sorry if it was kind of weird. i’d love it if you could comment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>im sorry this took forever, i’ve been kinda busy and got hit with a little writers block. so hope you like it though.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Quentin, as Penney unfortunately expected, didn’t make the decision for them. Penney wondered when the last time he’d made any sort of decision was. </p><p>Over the past week he’d noticed Quentin visibly biting his tongue when asked for suggestions, even when 23 wasn't in the room. When watching his memories, Penney could feel Quentin’s already minimal self-worth decrease down to nothing. He didn’t have to imagine why Quentin kept his thoughts to himself.</p><p>It did worry him though; he couldn’t imagine his friend working up the nerve to say no to anyone. Quentin had been easy to take advantage of even before all of this, and Penney had vivid memories of the things he’d somehow forgiven all of them for. But now? Penney was honestly terrified of the things Quentin might do to himself to avoid being an inconvenience. Considering he let himself be tortured for almost two years, it could be a lot. </p><p>He didn’t think anyone else in their group would do something like that to Quentin, but the guy had always been willing to do anything for them. The memories Penney had seen were exclusively of Quentin’s interactions with 23, and while Penney would like to imagine his friend was getting along with everyone else, it wasn’t unlikely that they had been asking for favor after favor without stopping to realize he wasn’t okay. </p><p>He filed that under ‘things to be dealt with later.’ </p><p>Penney ended up choosing where they went. He took Quentin to another planet. It was nice there; all the colors were inverted, and there were some really weird animals: perfect for the nerd he was trying to fix.</p><p>Speaking of which, he had no clue how to go about that. He had vague pieces of a plan scattered in his head, but no idea how to put them together. It’d be easier if Quentin didn’t blame himself, or if he at least didn’t find the entire ordeal so humiliating. </p><p>Quentin and Penney sat on red grass, staring up at an orange sky. There really was no night or day here, just eternal dusk. There were stars in the sky, and several visible planets. They were near the sea, which Penney knew would be filled with strange creatures- stranger than anything he’d seen in Fillory (and that was saying something).</p><p>In all honesty, Penney hated staying on other worlds, no matter how safe or well-visited, for more than short periods of time; he always panicked that time was going to get all messed up, or that he would somehow lose his ability to travel and end up stuck there. It was (mostly) irrational, he knew, but he figured he was allowed to have a few fears.</p><p>He’d stay as long as Quentin wanted though, for both their sakes. It gave Quentin a much needed break, and allowed Penney to plan out their next moves. </p><p>They eventually got bored, and Penney took them back to Earth. They’d only been gone an hour Eath-time. Penney had a text from Kady asking if everything was alright. He confirmed that it was, with a small twinge of guilt at the half-truth. Sure, no one was dying (at least not until Penney could beat the shit out of him), but things were far from alright. </p><p>They made stops at many more planets, landing back on Earth for brief moments between each one. Penney had forgotten how awe-inspiring this could be to someone who’d never experienced it. Quentin’s wards were still only halfway up, and it was nice to feel him so happy. </p><p>Penney himself was hard at work. Planet by planet he pieced together his (admittedly vague) plan. Eventually, he zapped himself and Quentin to his favorite place. </p><p>It was actually on Earth, but only accessible to travelers. Because of this, Penney could truly relax here when he needed to.</p><p>The place in question was a two-way glass dome which sat on the edge of a cliff near the top of Mount Everest. There was climate control in the bubble, and there were no words for the view. Penney was still amazed every time he came here. The effect of not going for two years just made it better. They spent a few minutes looking around, with Penney telling Quentin all the trivia facts he knew about this place, just as he had done for everywhere else they visited. </p><p>Eventually though, as much as Penney would like to keep this going, they did have to talk about...everything. </p><p>“Quentin-“ he started</p><p>“I know.” Quentin paused. “I know we have...we have to talk about this.” Quentin came and sat down at the small table where Penney was.</p><p>“Listen, man. I- I wanna do this the easiest way possible, if you have any ideas I’m all for it,” Penney offered. Quentin shrugged in return. “Okay, let’s start smaller. Do you want to tell them or would you rather I do it for you? Or we could go together.”</p><p>Quentin once again shrugged. Penney fought down his annoyance, reminding himself that he’d be able to take out all his frustrations on someone else later. </p><p>“Listen man, I’ll do whatever you want here, but you gotta talk to me.”</p><p>“It’d be easier on everyone if we didn’t do anything.”</p><p>Penney sighed. “That’s not an option, Q. You don’t deserve this and he doesn’t deserve to get away with it.”</p><p>Quentin just stared out the window, and Penney didn’t need to by psychic to feel his disbelief. </p><p>“So who’s doing this? It’s all up to you.”</p><p>“I don’t want to,” Quentin whispered hesitantly. </p><p>“Alright, perfect. So I will. I’m guessing you only want them to know the bare minimum?” Quentin nodded. “Okay. So...how about this? It’d be hard to explain what he did, and they’d want proof. I think I finally figured out how to push my thoughts into other peoples heads, I could show them the memory of me coming into your room? And that’s all they’d need to know about for now?”</p><p>Quentin looked scared.</p><p>“It’s not like what he did. It’s a simple flash of a memory, it doesn’t hurt and it’d only take a minute. If you’re okay with it I could do it to you first so you could see? Or not.” Penney kept his tone as cool as he could, trying to convey that it really wasn’t a big deal.</p><p>Penney could feel that Quentin didn’t want to, but also that he would never let something happen to his friends without knowing it was okay. He nodded.</p><p>Penney carefully sent him a memory. The evil part of him wanted to send Quentin the time he slept with Alice. He told the evil part of him to shut the fuck up. Instead, he sent Quentin something he knew he’d like. It was Penney when he was roughly 11, on a field trip to the zoo. They were in the butterfly enclosure, and a dozen or so butterflies all landed on Penney as his classmates gathered around in awe; it was one of Penney’s favorite memories. </p><p>Quentin opened his eyes soon after the memory finished.</p><p>“See? Not so bad,” Penney said, praying he’d agree. Luckily he did. “Okay. Do you want me to start small? Just Eliot and Margo tonight?”</p><p>“They’ll kill him,” Quentin whispered. “They won’t get it and they’ll think he-“</p><p>“Quentin. You have to think of it like he did it to someone else, imagine if this happened to Eliot. You’d do a lot worse than kill him.” </p><p>“But that’s different-“</p><p>“No it isn’t, Q.” The nickname still felt uncomfortable in his mouth. “I’ve spent more than enough time in your head to know you don’t believe it, but you matter to people, man. So, I’m going to tell Eliot and Margo, Eliot’s gonna find you make sure everything’s okay, and Margo and I are gonna plan how to fuck his shit up.”</p><p>“None of you should have to-“</p><p>“You’d do the same. Hell, you have! I can’t let this go, Q.” Quentin looked at the floor. Penney forced his voice to soften again. “Listen, I said we didn’t have to do anything today, and if you don’t want to then I’ll stand by that. But I can’t put it off any longer. If not tonight then tomorrow.”</p><p>Penney let silence hang in the air after that. Eventually Quentin nodded. “Fine,” he said quietly. “There’s no real point putting it off for a few hours I guess.” </p><p>Penny nodded. They stayed in the bubble for awhile longer, enjoying the view and the calm before the storm, before reluctantly going back to Fillory. They landed in Quentin’s bedroom. </p><p>Penney awkwardly left to find Margo and Eliot. He almost doubted if this was the right thing to do; Quentin still hadn’t pulled his wards all the way up, and Penney could feel that he was on the verge of a panic attack. It was almost enough to make him turn back and tell Quentin that the two of them could handle it on their own. He had to remind himself that this was for the greater good. </p><p>Every step he walked, he felt his anger building. Near Quentin, he could only feel pity, but now he was the angriest he’d ever been. How <i>dare</i> 23 do this to his best friend? He was going to kill the bastard.</p><p>He stormed into the throne room, to find Eliot and Margo relaxing on their thrones.</p><p>“Which one...?” Eliot asked.</p><p>“40.” Penney spit out.</p><p>“Dang, well whats got you all pissy?” Margo asked, sitting up straighter.</p><p>“Everyone out.” Penney shouted, shooing all the servants and guards out of the room.</p><p>“Now, hold on a minute, who the fuck do you think you are? This is my castle-“</p><p>“It’s important!” Penney snapped at her. </p><p>Margo sighed. “Alright, everyone out.” The few remaining people quickly exited, leaving only Penney, Eliot, and Margo. “This had better be important.”</p><p>
  <i>Fuck, I should’ve thought this through more.</i>
</p><p>Penney began pacing agitatedly back and forth across the the throne room, trying to figure out how to do this.</p><p>“Uhhh, Penney?” Margo asked. “You’re kinda freaking us out.”</p><p>“I figured out what’s wrong with Quentin!” Penney blurted out. That got their attention, they both sat up much straighter.</p><p>“Well, do tell,” Margo insisted, voice suddenly urgent.</p><p>“It’s me! Well, other me. Like Penney 23- I- fuck!” Penney yelled, still pacing before suddenly stopping right into of them. “Drop your wards,” he commanded.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I said- I need you to- ugh! Just do it!</p><p>Eliot and Margo shared a glance, and Penney could tell they were hesitant. But this was Quentin, and they’d do anything for him. Slowly their wards both dropped, leaving only the tiniest barrier between their minds and the world.</p><p>Penney pushed the moment he walked through Quentin’s door that morning through.</p><p>A fraction of a minute later found Margo and Eliot staring at him horrified.</p><p>“What the fuck-“</p><p>“It’s a memory! My memory.” Penney said, pacing again, frustrated with himself for not doing this better. </p><p>“But, what? I-“</p><p>“It’s from this morning! I walked in to see...that!”</p><p>“And...you said...Penney 23 did this?” Eliot asked carefully, rage building behind his cold exterior. </p><p>“Yes! Along with like a shit ton of other things!”</p><p>“What kind of ‘other things’ are we talking here, Penney?” Margo’s voice was dangerous. </p><p>“You name it, the bastards been doing this since he got here,” Penney said.</p><p>“I’m sorry, how did you get Quentin to tell you any of this?”</p><p>“He didn’t really tell me, I guess. He dropped his wards and let me see all of it. It was....fuck.”</p><p>“Well clearly,” Margo said. </p><p>“What...else did he do, Penney?” Eliot asked, rage barely contained under his indifferent facade.</p><p>“I- I don’t....Look I told Quentin I wouldn’t say any more than I had to, but let’s just say it was a lot.”</p><p>“Not good enough,” Eliot pushed. </p><p>“Then ask him yourself! I had to fight him to agree to letting you know anything, I’m not about to fucking break his trust to give you details you don’t need!” </p><p>The only sound in the room is was Penney’s own heavy breathing. </p><p>“Why...why haven’t I ever seen this before?” Eliot asked, and Penney could see him struggling to hold his composure, heartbreak evident on his face. </p><p>He sighed. “He hid it until you got magic back, and since then he’s gotten really fucking good at self-healing spells.”</p><p>“So....why didn’t he heal...?”</p><p>“He only does them when he thinks there’s a reason someone might see the marks. He wasn’t really counting on me coming into his room.” Penney sighed, anger drained from him. There was only hurt and exhaustion now. </p><p>The room lapsed into silence for a few minutes. </p><p>“23 is still on Earth, right?” Penney asked eventually. </p><p>“Yeah “ Margo whispered.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Where’s Q?” Eliot asked.</p><p>“His room. I think he’s waiting for you.”</p><p>Eliot nodded and left the room. He seemed shaken, not that Penney could blame him. </p><p>Margo and Penney were left alone. Margo gestured at Eliot’s empty throne, giving permission for him to sit. He did. </p><p>“So,” Penney began. “What are we gonna do with him?”</p><p>Margo, though clearly still unsteady, smiled darkly. “I have an idea or two.”</p><p>They cycled through many ideas; execution, sending him back to timeline 23, abandoning him somewhere to die, torturing him in a time loop and every time he dies it restarts, simply beating the shit out of him, permanent solitary confinement, a curse of excruciating pain, and much more. </p><p>“Dude that’s <i>fucked up,</i>“ Penney eventually told her. </p><p>“And? He beat the shit out of Quentin!”</p><p>Penney sighed. “You think I don’t want to kill him slowly only to bring him back and do it again? You couldn’t imagine the shit I saw in Q’s head.”</p><p>“Exactly! Which is why-“</p><p>“Which is why you have to remember this isn’t about us. I couldn’t care less how bad he hurts, but Quentin does, and I’m not gonna watch him blame himself if we take it too far.”</p><p>“So what, we go with whatever he wants?”</p><p>“Oh hell no, if it was up to Quentin we’d never do anything. We have to find a middle ground between eternal torture and letting him get away with it.”</p><p>Margo sighed. “Yeah, yeah I guess you’re right.”</p><p>They lapsed into silence for a minute. </p><p>“This is probably something we should bring everyone in on,” Penney said. “I have to talk to Quentin first though.”</p><p>“Why? You already told us.”</p><p>“Yeah but he closest to you guys, and I told him you’d be the only ones I told tonight.”</p><p>“Well that’s stupid.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to force him into anything more than I had to, alright? He was practically crying trying to convince me not to do anything about it, so forgive me for not wanting to push him.”</p><p>“Alright, I see your point.” She sighed. “So what are we supposed to do for right now?”</p><p>Penney paused. “Drugs?” Magro snorted but didn’t protest. </p><p>Almost immediately after, Eliot reentered the room, looking far worse for wear.</p><p>“I want him dead,” Eliot declared, marching across the floor. Penney instinctually got off his throne and Eliot took his place. </p><p>“How much did he tell you?” Penney asked.</p><p>“More. Enough. I don’t know, he said a lot but I get the sense there’s more.” He paused, clearly overwhelmed. Then he squinted at Penney, as if seeing him for the first time. “He wants you.”</p><p>Penney nodded, suppressing an eye roll: the nerd better not get used to Penney waiting on him. But if Penney could do anything to make this whole thing more bearable then he would. At least for now. </p><p>Leaving the throne room, he called out “Don’t plan anything too horrifying!”</p><p>“No promises”  </p><p>He wondered if it was smart to leave Margo and Eliot alone, knowing their plan would be even worse together. It wasn’t like they could do anything without Penney’s approval though, seeing as Penney was the only traveler they had on hand. Still, it’d be hard to talk them down.</p><p>He walked towards Quentins room, and saw himself standing just inside the open door.</p><p>Fuck.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>well this is what i did instead of paying attention to my zoom classes, so hopefully it’s not too bad. please comment and i’ll try to update soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Curses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahhh chapter seven! sorry if it’s repetitive, but i hope you like it</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penney froze for a moment, watching Quentin sit on the bed, shaking unnaturally, while 23 preformed a series of tuts. Despite the borderline seizure he seemed to be having, he didn’t make a sound or move from his position.</p><p>Penney shook himself, traveling into the room, less for times sake and more for that of surprise, and tackled 23 to the floor, breaking the spell. Quentin stopped shaking but didn’t move at all, nor make any noise. </p><p>Penney mentally thanked Quentin for the tour he’d been forced to take many years ago, and travelled 23 to the dungeon. He quite literally threw him into the only cell that was both magician and traveller proof, taking a sick satisfaction in the <i>thump</i> of his body hitting the floor. </p><p>He wasted only enough time to double check the locks before arriving back at Quentin’s side. He found Margo, Eliot, and Julia already there. Margo broke the paralysis spell a moment after he gained his bearings, and Quentin looked like his strings had been cut, almost falling off the bed. </p><p>Penney had never been in such a loudly silent room. It wasn’t long before Julia broke it.</p><p>“What the fuck?”</p><p>“What the fuck yourself, lady,” Margo yelled back.</p><p>“No, what did you do with my boyfriend?”</p><p>“Oh so that’s what he is this week?”</p><p>“Oh you <i>bitch-</i>“</p><p>“Stop!” Penney screamed over the two women. Thankfully they did. “Now, someone, explain what the fuck is happening.”</p><p>“Well everything was fine until <i>you</i>-“ Julia started.</p><p>“Not you!” Penney snapped.</p><p>It was Eliot ho spoke next. “Julia fixed 23’s magic and brought him here to show off. Yay....” His voice was shaky, and high with a mocking enthusiasm. </p><p>“Yeah,” Julia’s voice was hard and angry in contrast. “I did, so why the fuck did you guys lose it like that, and where did you take him?”</p><p>Nobody spoke. </p><p>Penney looked back and forth from Quentin (who’s wards were locked up again) to Julia, hoping that the man would give him some sort of sign that it was okay to tell her. Quentin wouldn’t even look at him.</p><p>Thankfully Eliot took over. “Maybe it’s better we talk out of the room,” he said, guiding Julia out of the small space, signaling for Margo to follow. Penney was left alone with Quentin once again. </p><p>“Shit,” Penney said once he was sure the others were out of ear shot. Quentin just stared at the ground. Penney could feel him struggling to strengthen his already perfect (seriously, they were borderline equal to Mayacovaki’s) wards even further. “He can’t hear you, you know. The cell is magic proof. Not that I mind the silence, but...” he trailed off, hoping Quentin would get the message. He did.</p><p>Quentin nodded, and his wards slowly weakened till they were average. Hard to get through, but not so hard it took conscious effort to keep them up. Penney felt Quentin poke a hole in them and push out a thought. </p><p>
  <i>Silencing charm, can’t talk. </i>
</p><p>“Oh, that’s not good. Um, which one I can probably fix it.”</p><p>
  <i>Only the caster can undo it.</i>
</p><p>“Aren’t I the caster?” Penney asked, trying to lighten the mood. </p><p>
  <i>I’m not sure it works like that.</i>
</p><p>“Yeah I guess not.” Penney said. “It’s fine though, we’ll figure it out. Worst case hold him at gun point.” Quentin huffed out a laugh at that, still staring at the floor. </p><p>“What was he doing?” Penney eventually asked. “I know he did the silencing and the semi-paralysis, but you were shaking at one point, what was that?” Penney saw Quentin tense at the question. He knew if the smaller man could talk out loud he’d be spluttering right about now.</p><p>
  <i> Prae dolore curse </i>
</p><p>That. Fucking. Bastard.</p><p>“I’m gonna murder him,” Penney said, voice shaking with a barely contained rage.</p><p> Prae dolore. For pain.</p><p>Penney had never felt the curse himself, but he’d seen it’s victims on a few occasions. Had Quentin not been silenced and paralyzed, he would’ve been spasming much worse, and screaming himself raw. The pain is said to be unbearable; not even the library would hold it on anyone longer than a few seconds. It was outlawed centuries ago- long before almost anything else. Hell, Penney was pretty sure it was outlawed before the killing curse.</p><p>
  <i>It’s fine, really. It’s not as bad as the horror stories they fed us at Breakbills.</i>
</p><p>“Quentin, you’re not fooling me. I’ve seen that spell used on other people before, I have no clue how you’re still conscious.” Penney tried to think how long Quentin had been under it. It’d been going on when he got there, and Penney had frozen- god <i>why</i> had he frozen- before traveling to tackle 23, so.....at least ten seconds, possibly more. Probably more. </p><p>The longest Penney had ever seen was thirty seconds, and the poor guy had barely survived. The only reason he did was because his tolerance had been built up. So how did Quentin- No. Penney begged to whatever god was listening that it wasn’t true. </p><p>“Quentin, has he.....has this happened before?”</p><p>Quentin’s too-frail body tensed. It took a few seconds before he slowly nodded, eyes not leaving the floor.</p><p>“Fuck,” Penney whispered, leaning back against the wall. Apparently Quentin hadn’t shown him everything. What else had the smaller man kept from him?  He felt like there was a storm swirling inside his body, and he desperately needed to let it out. He wanted to hit something, to yell, to do <i>anything</i> but stand there. But he couldn’t. What would it do, except scare the shit out of his already traumatized friend? </p><p>There was a knock at the door. Penney glanced and Quentin before cracking it open to find Eliot outside. He gratefully opened it all the way, letting him walk in. The king carefully sat on the bed, leaving a bit of space between him and Quentin. </p><p>The smaller man promptly destroyed that distance and collapsed sideways so his head was lying on his boyfriend’s lap. Eliot smiled slightly down at him, and Penney almost felt like he should leave. It was nice to see Quentin so comfortable around his boyfriend though, it made it seem like he hadn’t been completely alone for the past two years (with the exception of when Eliot was possessed).</p><p>Unfortunately, Penney could leave them alone, as he had to translate. “He can’t talk,” Penney said softly. </p><p>Eliot jerked his head to look at him, hands still lightly brushing through Quentin’s hair. “What?”</p><p>“Silencing charm. The caster has to break it and I kind of threw him in the dungeon. So, he can’t talk for now.”</p><p>Eliot looked vaguely horrified but nodded. “He can’t travel still, Julia told us. It’s just his magic. They got here using the button.”</p><p>Penney nodded. That was good, it meant they could let him out of his cell to break the curse. “Where is Julia?”</p><p>“With Margo in the Dungeon. We didn’t trust her to go by herself.”</p><p>Finally, a smart decision. </p><p>“Did Margo tell you how I said we can’t do anything overly cruel?”</p><p>Eliot nodded, giving him a weird look.</p><p>“I changed my mind.”</p><p>Quentin tensed a little more at that, sending him another thought. <i>Penney, no!</i></p><p>“What do you mean ‘no,’ Coldwater? That was a fucking torture spell!”</p><p>“Um....” Eliot said, looking back and forth between them.</p><p>“I’m psychic, dumbass. He’s thinking at me.”</p><p>“Oh. What do you mean by...?”</p><p>
  <i>Penney, please don’t, he won’t get it-</i>
</p><p>“There’s nothing to get! He can’t do that to you and expect no one to stop him!”</p><p>
  <i>He has so far and nothing bad has happened!</i>
</p><p>“Nothing bad? Quentin you can’t talk!”</p><p>
  <i>And?</i>
</p><p>“And that’s kind of a fucking problem?”</p><p>Eliot chose that moment to cut in: “Wait wait wait- 23 used a torture spell on Q?” He asked, voice low and dangerous.</p><p>Penney paused, waiting for protest, but was met with none. It was close enough to permission for him. He nodded. “Prae dolore.”</p><p>“Holy shit,” Eliot whispered, face going white. </p><p>
  <i>Can you tell him I’m fine?</i>
</p><p>Penney snorted, “You want my help lying to your boyfriend?” Both men made a face at him. He rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he turned to look at Eliot. “He says he’s fine.”</p><p>Eliot breathed out something close to a laugh. There was another knock at the door, which promoted Eliot to let out another dark chuckle. “Ha, we’re having a whole party in your shoebox, Q.”</p><p>Seeing as Quentin was lying on Eliot and apparently that qualified the two of them for the cat rule, Penney opened the door a crack once again.</p><p>It was Josh.</p><p>“Hey Penney!” He greeted brightly. Penney cringed; the poor guy had no idea what he was walking into. “Any chance Q’s here?”</p><p>“Uhhhh....” Penney looked helplessly at Eliot and Quentin, ignoring how confused Josh must be. Quentin sat up and nodded. “Uh, yeah! Sure...man, come in. I guess.” Penney cursed the unnatural pauses between words- he swore he used to be better under pressure. </p><p>He awkwardly pushed the door open all the way, revealing Quentin and Eliot. </p><p> Penney only realized now what a mess Quentin was. His hair was a wreck, his eyes were red-rimmed, and his large shirt was hanging off his slumped shoulders, making him look almost child-like.</p><p>“Okay, so get this? You know that thing you were having me make for Kady? Well-“ Josh looked up at all of them, and his excited tone cut off in the face of something being very obviously wrong. “....Did I...miss something?”</p><p> Quentin couldn’t answer, and the other two didn’t. Penney swore he had suffered through more awkward silences in the week since he’d been back then he had in his entire life. </p><p> <i>Just get it over with,</i> Quentin thought at him. </p><p> Penney clapped a hand down on Josh’s shoulder. “Let’s take a walk.”</p><p> Josh looked uneasy, but followed him out of the room without protest. </p><p> Penney was determined to do a better job with Josh than he had with Eliot and Margo. He took a deep breath. “So I’m sure you’ve noticed Quentin’s been a little...off, lately.”</p><p>“Yeah no kidding,” Josh said. “Wait- do you- you figured out what’s wrong with him?”</p><p> Penney nodded. “Okay, Josh I’m going to push a memory into your head now.” He rolled his eyes when Josh gave him a dumb look. “I’m psychic- how the fuck do you people keep forgetting that?” Penney forced himself to calm down. “The memory is mine, it’s from this morning. You’re going to see what I saw.”</p><p> He waited till Josh nodded before going through with it. </p><p> The chef stopped walking when the memory hit and didn’t start up again after. </p><p>“Hoberman?” </p><p>“What..?” His voice was barely a whisper.</p><p> Penney sighed. “23. He uh, did that. Along with a shit load of other things I promised Quentin I wouldn’t talk about. But uh...as of right now he put a silencing charm on him, it can only be broken by the caster so he can only really talk through me. Because I’m psychic.” Penney found himself thinking of the public speaking class he failed in high school. Maybe if he’d paid more attention he’d have been able to actually explain this to anyone in a way that made sense. Instead he was individually talking about the situation with people as needed, and cheating with magic to do it. How did Eliot and Margo convince Julia? Did they convince her or would she mot believe it? Josh broke him out of his thoughts.</p><p>“Oh. Well, uh, that’s....Fuck.” Josh was clearly overwhelmed by this. “Is there anything I can do to help?” He cringed at the end of the sentence, as if he wasn’t sure that was the right thing to be asking at a time like this.</p><p>“Honestly? If you could keep Margo from murdering him before we can reverse the silencing charm that’d be great.”</p><p>Josh nodded quickly, glad to be given an mission. “That I can do! Uh, where...?”</p><p>“Dungeon.” Penney supplied. Josh nodded and all but ran in that direction. Penney sighed. This morning he had expected to check in, and then spend a day hanging out with his girlfriend in her office. Maybe he’d help out a little, start to find his purpose for being back. And now he had himself locked in a magical dungeon for abusing his best friend.</p><p>Speaking of Kady, he really needed to update her, or at least assure her that no one had died yet. He made his way back to Quentin’s room, deciding he needed to check in one more time. </p><p>He knocked on the door, “It’s Penney,” he said.</p><p>There was a brief pause before Eliot gave him permission to come in. </p><p>Quentin was sitting on the bed with his back to the door, shirtless once again. Eliot, not being a medical student, was slowly healing him bruise by bruise.</p><p><i>Can you tell him that I can do it myself?”</i> Quentin thought. The words sounded tired, like he just really needed this day to be over. He probably did. </p><p>“He says he can do it himself,” Penney said.</p><p>“I know,” Eliot said softly. “Doesn’t mean I have to let him.”  Penny nodded. Honestly it was probably good for Quentin to have someone else heal him, especially since he was weakened by 23’s spells. </p><p>“Uhhh listen, unless you need me here, I probably need to head back to Earth before Kady thinks I’ve died again; I told her I was gonna stay with her today, and then....Well you know.</p><p>“Okay,” Eliot said. </p><p>“I’ll be back soon, promise.” He said.</p><p>
  <i>You can tell her.</i>
</p><p>Penney was grateful Quentin had known what he wanted. It felt wrong to ask, but he was so happy to be able to talk this out with someone. </p><p>“You should probably make sure he eats, I’ve been with him all day and he hasn’t,” Penney said. </p><p><i>Dick.</i> Penney rolled his eyes, though Quentin couldn’t see it.</p><p>Eliot nodded, “I will, thanks. Feel free to bring Kady back for dinner.” Eliot smiled a little. With his weakened wards Penney could feel vague jokes about families and prom dates or something like that. </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>And with the last word, Penney was gone. He found himself in Kady’s office, just as she was packing up for the day. </p><p>She didn’t jump at his sudden appearance. “Hey there handsome, where’d you go all day?” </p><p>Penney could only stare, the reality of the day hitting him.</p><p>She furrowed her brow in concern. “Hey, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“I, I uh,” he let out a dark laugh. “I figured out what’s wrong with Quentin.” </p><p>“Oh? What is it?”</p><p>Penney paused, before throwing himself down into one of her chairs, head in his hands. “Fuck, Kady. I- I just, <i>fuck.</i>”</p><p>“Penney? What’s wrong? You’re freaking me out a little.”</p><p>“Im sorry, I’m sorry,” he rushed out. “It’s just that....I mean....shit Kady.” He sighed. “We were right about 23 being off,” he said. Kady very quickly put everything together.</p><p>“Wait- you don’t mean...?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Wait, but- he’s been here for barely under two years, there’s no way no one would’ve noticed that, right?”</p><p>Penney shrugged helplessly. “You’d think that.”</p><p>“Oh my god.” Kady said. “How bad?”</p><p>“Kady...”</p><p>“Please, Penney, you have to tell me how bad.”</p><p>Penney didn’t think he’d felt this helpless in his entire life. “I- really bad Kady. Really, really fucking bad.” He looked up from his seat at her. “I just- I don’t even know Kady. I walked into his room and he didn’t have a shirt on, and he looked beat to hell. So I was asking what happened and he wouldn’t tell me, but I couldn’t just leave him looking like that so I pushed and pushed and he eventually just dropped his wards and let me see all of it, or almost all of it I guess, and Kady I- Kady the fucking <i>Library</i> wouldn’t do something like that.”</p><p>Silence hung in the air for a moment after the revelation.</p><p>“Why didn’t he ever try to tell us?” Kady asked,,voice slightly shaky.</p><p>“Honestly? I think he was afraid you’d all take 23’s side, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that.”</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>“Yeah, no kidding,” Penney sighed, rubbing his hand over his tired face. “I promised Q I wouldn’t say anything more than that.”</p><p>“Since when is he ‘Q’ to you?” Kady tried for a joke. It fell flat. </p><p>“Since today I guess.” He paused. “I really can’t stay long, theres a lot going on over there. 23 got his powers back and now Quentin can’t make any sound so he has to think at me to communicate.” He saw Kady’s puzzled look and explained: “Silencing charm only the caster can break, and as he is currently in a magic-proof dungeon...”</p><p>“Right.” Kady said. </p><p>“You wanna come with?” He asked. “See all the glories of Fillory? Eliot said it was fine.”</p><p>She laughed a little, sounding strange in such a somber room. “Well as long as his highness is okay with it. Can we stop by my apartment first?”</p><p>“Yeah of course.”</p><p>In a matter of seconds they were there, and Kady was putting away all the things she didn’t want to bring with her. A few more seconds found them in the throne room, which was being set up for dinner. </p><p>Eliot chose that moment to walk in. “Huh. i didn’t think you’d actually bring her. Servants? Add an extra seat to the table please.” Penney was strangely impressed he bothered saying please. </p><p>The tall man turned back to them. “Q’s in his room with Julia; I don’t think they’re getting anywhere. Josh is in the kitchen trying to talk Margo down. Hindsight may be 20/20 but I have to admit I regret telling her about that particular curse. You’re free to wander until dinner.” He turned on his heel and was gonna as quickly as he came.</p><p>“Wow, he’s gotten no more predictable,” Kady said, visibly reeling from the info-dump as they made their way out of the room and into the empty hall. “What curse was he talking about? Just the silencing one?”</p><p>Penny hesitated, and it was all Kady needed to know there was more. “Penney?” She asked, warning evident in her voice. If he wanted to keep his head and balls in tact, he better not lie to her.</p><p>“I...Uh....”</p><p>“Penny!”</p><p>“The prae dolore, okay?” He shouted, and immediately regretted it. “Kady I’m sorry-“ he started.</p><p>“Where’s the dungeon?” She asked. </p><p>“Kady-“</p><p>“Where?” She all but yelled this time.</p><p>“Kady if I tell you that you’re going to kill him-“</p><p>“Damn straight I am!”</p><p>“And then Quentin’s mute for the rest of his life, is that really what you want?” He yelled. “Look,” his voice was gentler this time. “I know how you feel, believe me I do. I’ve seen that curse in action and it’s a paper cut compared to what I saw in his head. But he can’t die until he fixes Quentin, which mean you can’t see him yet.”</p><p>Kady begrudgingly nodded. “Okay, okay.”</p><p>“Great. Now, I have to go save him from Julia, are you coming or do you want to wander?”</p><p>“I’ll wander, I doubt a crowd would be appreciated right now.”</p><p>Penney nodded his goodbyes before making his way towards Quentin’s room for what seemed like the trillionth time that day. </p><p>God he hoped Julia had calmed down; he couldn’t deal with one of her self-righteous fits right now.</p><p>Well. Here goes nothing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading!!</p><p>can i just say thank you all so much for your comments? i never really know how to respond but they are so sweet and genuinely mean the world to me, you guys are the best</p><p>i will try to update again soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Worse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahhhh sorry this took so long. the next chapter will be out really soon tho</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penney was about to knock on Quentin’s door when he heard loud crash from the inside. Instead, he whipped the door open, hitting Quentin hard.</p><p>He immediately crouched down by his friend, who had been knocked to the floor. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I-I heard a crash so I came to check in and-“ </p><p>“Penney, chill,” Julia snapped. He looked over to see her struggling to get up, a sideways chair on the floor next to her. “I just fell, it’s all good.” </p><p>Penney looked at Quentin for confirmation and he nodded. “Sorry man,” Penney said one last time, reaching out a hand to help Quentin up and failing to hide his cringe when his friend flinched back.</p><p>Quentin quickly recovered though and took the offered hand, allowing himself to be pulled up before sitting back on the bed. </p><p>“I, uh, Eliot told me you guys might need help. Because...you know..” Penney trailed off. Julia was glaring at him and he had no idea how to respond in a non-threatening way. The last thing he wanted to do was lash out in front of Quentin, but without a shield of anger to hide behind he was just awkward.</p><p>“We’re fine.” Julia’s voice was hard and clipped. “Do you mind leaving us alone?” And that statement was scathing; Penney wondered what he had done to piss her off. Besides slamming her best friend with a door.</p><p>
  <i>Can you tell her she’s wrong, </i>
</p><p>“He....uh....says you’re wrong,” Penney responded. </p><p>“Oh that’s real fucking convenient!” </p><p>Penney ignored her outburst and turned to Quentin, who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. “What’s she talking about?”</p><p>“Don’t talk about me like i’m not here!”</p><p>Penney still ignored her, waiting for Quentin.</p><p>
  <i>She’s convinced you did...all this, and you’re just blaming 23. And since you could technically say I said anything right now....</i>
</p><p>Shit. He turned to look at her: “Well that’s fucking stupid.” </p><p>Quentin shrugged and Julia, for once, stayed silent. “First of all I’ve been dead for two years so how could I have touched him until a week ago? Second of all, this happened immediately after you got 23’s powers back; isn’t that just a little convenient? Third of all don’t you think he’d point or some shit if I was lying to you?”</p><p>“Well you could’ve been pretending-“</p><p>“You think I faked my own fucking death just to torture Quentin?”</p><p>“I meant pretending to be 23-“</p><p>“For two years while, incase you somehow forgot, I was dead?” His voice was near a scream by the end of the sentence.</p><p>“This hasn’t been going on for two years!”</p><p>“Yes it has! For his supposed best friend you’re awful fucking obvious!”</p><p>“How would you know?”</p><p>“Because I cared enough to find out!”  Penney chose that  moment to look at Quentin, who seemed terrified.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>Penney closed his eyes and forced himself to shove down his anger for the moment. “Look, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not lying, Quentin isn’t lying. What kind of proof are you looking for?”</p><p>Julia looked surprised by his change in demeanor, but looked at Quentin and seemed to understand. The anger drained from her, leaving only confused exhaustion in its place. “I don’t know...I’m sorry, this is just kinda a lot.” She looked up at Quentin tears gathering in her eyes, “I’m so sorry Q,”</p><p>
  <i>Can you tell her it’s okay?</i>
</p><p>“He says it’s okay.”</p><p>She huffed out a broken laugh, “Yeah he would.”</p><p>They all lapsed into silence. </p><p>
  <i>Theres nothing stopping me from making dirty jokes in your head right now. </i>
</p><p>Against his best wishes Penney burst out laughing at the absurdity of the statement, and Quentin joined him, albeit silently. Julia sat there looking absolutely bewildered. Penney tried to explain several times only to fall back into another fit of laughter. What the genuine <i>fuck</i> had his life come to?</p><p>It wasn’t long till a servant came and called them for dinner. </p><p>The meal was...tense. On the surface everything was as normal as it could be. They made small talk, but every topic seemed to be sensitive somehow. </p><p>They tried telling Kady about Fillory, but despite spending only half his time there Quentin knew the most, and Penny chiming in on his behalf quickly became uncomfortable for everyone. </p><p>Someone brought up how they didn’t invite Alice, which just reminded them that she still had no idea what was going on. </p><p>Kady gave them vague updates on the hedge witches, but there wasn’t much to say. </p><p>It was painfully obvious they were avoiding the topic, and every made their excuses to exit as soon as they could. </p><p>Quentin was halfway asleep by the end, and looked like he’d rather melt into the floor than deal with this for another moment, so it was wordlessly decided that they could deal with the problem of his voice in the morning.</p><p>Penney took Quentin and Eliot to Earth so they could spend the night together without breaking Eliot’s marriage contract. </p><p>Penney himself went with Kady to her apartment for the night, not at all looking forwards to the next day.</p><p>————————————————</p><p>Unfortunately, time waits for no man. Unless you have the third key, Penney supposed. But they didn’t. Morning came around all too soon, and Penney was gathering everyone to go back to Fillory. </p><p>Kady was left behind at Breakbills with the button so that she could inform Alice of the situation, and the three men found themselves back in Castle Whitespire.</p><p>They arrived to find Margo pacing.</p><p>“God, fucking finally!”</p><p>“Bambi? What’s wrong?” Eliot asked cautiously.</p><p>“Uhhh....Eliot why don’t we talk..” she spared a pitying look towards Quentin, who dutifully pretended not to notice, “...elsewhere.”</p><p>Margo pulled Eliot away and Penney made an apology gesture to Quentin before following despite his lack of invite. </p><p>“Okay, what the fuck Margo. Could you really not let him know with the rest of us?” Eliot asked, annoyed. Good. Penney was glad someone cared enough to realize how insensitive it was to exclude Quentin from conversations about what was happening to him.</p><p>“Quentin darling?” Eliot called out. “Come here.”</p><p>The smaller man quickly, almost robotically started to make his way over to them. </p><p>“No! Give us one minute, just don’t move!” Margo yelled, and Quentin stopped in his tracks. </p><p>
  <i>Penney...</i>
</p><p>Penney could feel the fear in his ‘voice.’ While it wouldn’t be out of character, Penney somehow doubted he was solely conflicted by disobeying either of his friends. </p><p>“Hey, cut the shit,” Penney snapped at the two monarchs, making his way towards Quentin. “Coldwater? You good?” </p><p>Much to Penney’s dismay Quentin didn’t make a move.</p><p>“Okay....Do you mind if I test something?” He asked.</p><p><i>Sure.</i> The tone of his thoughts was lifeless yet petrified in a way that had become uniquely Quentin recently.</p><p>“Spin around.” Penney commanded. Quentin did. Fuck. “Jump,” he said, praying it wouldn’t work. But Quentin jumped. </p><p>“Shit,” Margo said. And yeah, that was pretty accurate. </p><p>“No kidding,” Eliot muttered. </p><p>“Fuck!” Penney said, trying to think of how to phrase a release command. “Uhhh do whatever you would normally do. Or, uh. Disregard all previous...commands?” </p><p>Quentin nodded, and shifted slightly for the sake of proving he could. <i>Thanks.</i></p><p>And if that didn’t fuck Penney up then he didn’t know what would. His best friend was thanking him for not violating him. What was he supposed to do with that? ‘You’re welcome’ didn’t exactly seem appropriate.</p><p>Instead he just nodded, feeling considerably worse than he had a few minutes prior. </p><p>“Well,” Eliot said. “I’m a lot happier we didn’t have sex last night now.” Margo slapped his arm for that one. “Jeese, sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing his arm. “Okay, so, what the fuck do we do about this?”</p><p>“That’s what I wanted to tell you, dickwad,” Margo sassed, failing to hide how unsettled she was. “23 is refusing to cooperate. He has leverage and he knows it.”</p><p>“Well what does he want?” Penney asked. </p><p>“No clue, Julia’s trying to pry it out of him right now.” She paused. “By the way she’s trying to convince him she’s on his side, don’t kill her, she’s not.”</p><p>Penney nodded. That was good to know, especially since she had no leverage to keep Penney, or Eliot for that matter, from killing her. </p><p>“She knows how to do that weird glass spell, right? The one that reveals all the other spells? We should have her check for anything else 23 might’ve put on Q.” Eliot said.</p><p>They all nodded. “We should see how literal the spell is,” Penney said. “Like if he’ll have to do any suggestion or if it has to come out as an order.” He paused briefly, eyes flicking towards Quentin. “If that’s okay with you.”</p><p>Quentin shrugged, looking far more worn-down than any 24-year-old had the right to. His eyes were dead, and his shoulders were hunched with anxiety and the burdens of the past two years. Or really, the past 24 years, Penney supposed.</p><p>“We’re gonna need a yes on that, Q,” Eliot said. “Wait, shit. I mean. You have to give us a more definitive answer. I- wait- I, uh, fuck!” Eliot said.</p><p>“Alright honey, let me take over,” Margo said, condescendingly as she rubbed Eliot’s back. “Quentin? Honey? Would you mind if we tested to see how the spell works?”</p><p>Quentin nodded. </p><p>“Okay. Can you jump?” Margo asked. Quentin didn’t move, thank god; at least questions were safe. “I want you to jump for me.” Still nothing. Abstract statements were fine too; wanting and demanding were apparently different in the eyes of the spell. “Would you mind jumping?” Still nothing. “You’ll jump for me.” He did. Assumptions of compliance counted; noted. “You have to jump.” He did. “Jump.” He did. Margo sighed. </p><p>“Okay, well that’s good, right?” Eliot said. </p><p>Penney snorted. “We’re pretty fucking far from ‘good’ right about now.”</p><p>Eliot rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean; at least some phrases are safe.” And Penney nodded; he did know what Eliot meant. He himself was very grateful for the fact that they could talk to Quentin, no matter how careful they had to be. </p><p><i>Sorry I made such a mess of everything,</i> Quentin pushed into Penney’s head.</p><p>“Hey cut that shit out, none of this is your fault.” He snapped back, his voice lacking any real heat. He wondered if ‘cut that shit out’ counted as a command. Quentin still looked incredibly guilty so he guessed not; it probably had to be more specific.</p><p>Julia choose that moment to burst into the room, causing Quentin to jump slightly. Penney, on a surge of protectiveness, moved the tiniest bit more in front of him.</p><p>She opened her mouth, doubtlessly to scream some pissed off and/or entitled comment (<i>no,</i> Penney was <i>not</i> being unfair towards her), but closed it when Margo loudly cleared her throat, gesturing for the two of them to leave the room. </p><p>Penney wondered if everyone leaving the room to talk about him was good or bad for Quentin. He probably liked not having to deal with it, but it might also be stressful. Penney would ask him later in private. </p><p>For now, only the three men were left in the room. Margo and Julia would probably be gone for awhile, Kady and Alice were still on Earth, and Josh was....Penney had no idea where Josh was. He wasn’t there.</p><p>“I’m...gonna go talk to...you..” Eliot said, awkwardly pointing at the door. Penney raised his eyebrows in judgement but didn’t comment. </p><p>Eliot awkwardly shuffled out the door, eyes darting back and forth between his destination and his friends. He eventually managed to leave, and Quentin flinched harshly at the dull <i>thud</i> of the door chalking shut behind him. </p><p>Quentin went and flopped down on a bench near the side of the room, laying back to stare at the intricate designs on the ceiling. </p><p>Penney sat down on the steps leading to the thrones, hating everyone for leaving him alone to deal with this. Quentin was Eliot's boyfriend for god’s sake, why wasn’t he here? What gave him the right to skip out on Quentin like this? </p><p>Then again, Penney had to remind himself that he was the only person Quentin could talk to. Literally. </p><p>“Fuck, man,” Penney said at last, wincing when Quentin jumped. “I mean.....” Penney trailed off again. “Shit. Like what the actual hell?”</p><p>
  <i>It’s not that big of a deal.</i>
</p><p>Penney scoffed loudly. “Quentin what fucking part of this ‘isn’t a big deal?’”</p><p>
  <i>All of it?</i>
</p><p>“Quentin, man, you have to realize on some level that is is fucked up. I know it’s not the worst of it, and we’ll all be damned if we pretend it’s even halfway there, but it’s still not okay.” Penney stopped for a moment. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Quentin sat up at that. <i>What are you sorry for?</i></p><p>Penney shrugged. “All of it?” He mirrored Quentin’s earlier words.</p><p>
  <i>You’re not him.</i>
</p><p>“Yeah, man I know. I’m still sorry though. You shouldn’t have to go through this-“ he cut himself off “-and I swear if you tell me it doesn’t matter one more time I’m going to-“</p><p><i>You’re gonna what? Hit me?</i> Quentin had a hesitant yet shit-eating grin on his face. Penny was suppressing one himself.</p><p>“That’s not funny.” It was.</p><p>
  <i>I think I’m funny.</i>
</p><p>“You’re the only one.”</p><p>
  <i>Sure.</i>
</p><p>They lapsed into a much easier silence after that, both content to wait for someone else to bring something to do.</p><p>——————————————————</p><p>Margo and Julia came back, and Julia pulled Quentin from the room to have a ‘talk.’ Quentin silently promised to alert Penney if he needed saving.</p><p>Eliot came back and announced that Penney 23 still wasn’t budging, to no ones surprise.</p><p>Alice eventually showed up to look at Quentin. Penney had to be present to answer questions. It was wholly uncomfortable; Penney understood her desire to be professional, but she could’ve stood to show some emotion for her friend.</p><p>Nothing was revealed by her tests, which was the only upside. At least there would be no more surprises. God knew Quentin had been through enough. </p><p>Yet, days passed. Nothing new.</p><p>Penney decided it was time to visit himself. </p><p>The walk to the dungeon was long. Penney wondered if it had been built to make escape as hard as possible; twisting corridors and loops that lasted till one thought their legs might fall off and bolted doors everywhere they eye could ever hope to land. </p><p>But, by the time he considered just traveling to spare himself the headache, he was there. He wished he wasn’t.</p><p>23’s cell was barren. There was an empty bucket in the corner, a small tub of water, a paper-thin bedroll, and anti-casting runes adorning every surface. In the middle, with his back to the wall, sat 23, whistling a melody Penney felt as though he should recognize. </p><p>“Why?” He asked, voice steady and emotionless. </p><p>23 stopped his whistling, smiling devilishly. “Why what?”</p><p>“Don’t bullshit me,” Penney snapped with a glare. </p><p>23’s grub stretched wider. “I did it before he could. He was going to turn on everyone eventually. He’s evil. I made him too timid to do anything with that evil. I saved us. You’re welcome.”</p><p>“You’re psychotic.”</p><p>Penney couldn’t even begin to process this. Alternate him had to be genuinely insane. </p><p>“No, I’m smart. My Quentin turned and so will yours if you don’t stop him!”</p><p>“No, Penney. That’s not true. Your Quentin, who very much is not mine, died good. It’s not his fault Alice resurrected him wrong.”</p><p>Penney rolled his eyes. “Your Julia, yes? She lost her soul too, and she never did any of the shit he did.”</p><p>Penney rolled his eyes. “Because she never had the chance-“</p><p>“Exactly! So I took the chance away from that Quentin. Once again, you’re welcome.”</p><p>“Once again, you’re psychotic. Julia did plenty of fucked up shit before getting her soul back. In fact, Quentin is the only reason she didn’t go full dark side. He was the one who kept her safe and controlled.”</p><p>“That’s all I did.”</p><p>“No, you tortured an innocent man.”</p><p>“Innocent? He killed everyone I loved!”</p><p>“No. That wasn’t him and you know it.”</p><p>“It was close enough, and if I didn’t stop him now then no one ever would!”</p><p>“That’s not true. He never did anything. You decided you wanted to punish him for a trillion crimes he never committed.”</p><p>“I’m the reason he never did them. He deserved everything he got, and I wish you all luck trying to control him without me.”</p><p>“He’s not the one who needs controlling.” Penney sighed. This was going nowhere. “Okay, listen. I didn’t come here to fight with you. You think he deserved it? I couldn’t give two shits what you think. All I care about is how you are going to remove the silencing charm, the obedience curse, and whatever the fuck else you put on him or else!”</p><p>“Or else what?” 23 asked, voice wickedly sweet.</p><p>“You really want to go there?” Penney asked. “You want to go into a fight with all limbs tied against the one person trained in all your worst weaknesses?”</p><p>23 only smiled. “You’ll thank me someday.”</p><p> </p><p>Evidently, 23 did want to be tortured, as he practically laughed through the whole ordeal. Penney couldn’t lie, he felt a little sick. Try as he might to hide it, Penney was naturally very empathetic, and it was shockingly hard to remember how evil the man before him was. Especially since he was wearing Penney’s own face. </p><p>He eventually left, swearing he would be back.</p><p>And he was. </p><p>Not as often as he would’ve liked, but he was back. And when he wasn’t, someone else usually was. Not that it made a difference.</p><p>Nothing changed, and Penney began to fear it never would.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ik this one is kinda weirdly structured, sorry. comments mean the world to me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Normalcy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>And life...went on?</p><p>Penney wasn’t sure what he expected, but for things to return to normal certainly hadn’t been it.</p><p>And yet, that’s what happened.</p><p>Penney played taxi for everyone, and translator for Quentin. He helped Kady with the hedges. He ‘visited’ his alternate self.</p><p>There was only a small handful of memorable interactions. </p><p>————————————————</p><p>Quentin’s shop, as it turned out, had an apartment above it. Unfortunately, it been damaged right before he was set to move in. Repairs (why Quentin hadn’t just fixed it himself was beyond Penney) had finally finished though, and  he needed to move out of the student dorms considering actual students would need it soon.</p><p>The school had technically been “open” for months, but there were hardly any students. Very soon though, it would be time to test the new first years, and Quentin, despite never finishing his 3-year program, was no longer a student.</p><p>Technically, Penney wasn’t needed for this; Quentin made the portal himself and could easily accomplish moving things a few feet on his own. However, Penney had nothing better to do. </p><p>Plus he fully planned on making Quentin help him move his stuff. </p><p>“Hey, grab- could you grab that box for me?” Penney asked, cutting himself off before he could accidentally issue an order. He had been doing this all day; he wasn’t sure why he couldn’t seem to remember how to phrase things.</p><p>
  <i>Yeah, sure.</i>
</p><p>Quentin handed him the box easily, before going back for another one. Honestly there wasn’t that much stuff to move. If it wasn’t for his piles upon piles of books, Quentin would have less stuff than even Penney. The majority of the day had been spent trying to put together IKEA furniture.</p><p>Quentin had bet Penney he couldn’t do it without magic. He had been right. It took Penney two hours to admit that. He had spent most of the day on one table, while Quentin, using his skills in repairing small objects, had easily put everything else together within seconds. It was more than a little impressive. Penney was determined to create one table himself, magic or not.</p><p>He eventually did it (with the help of some spell-work) but not before accidentally ordering Quentin multiple times, and doubtlessly scaring him shitless a few times with his bouts of frustration. Oops. Penney promised himself he’d make it up to the guy at some point. </p><p>A little while later found Penney sitting on the floor as Quentin put up his posters and picture frames. </p><p>“You know, Kady thinks she knows someone who might be able to fix you,” Penney said, immediately regretting his phrasing. He couldn’t correct himself though, as Quentin hated feeling like people were walking on eggshells around him.</p><p>
  <i>Oh....</i>
</p><p>“Don’t get too excited.”</p><p><i>Sorry, it’s just....I don’t even know what I’m gonna do once things are back to normal. Like yeah, this sucks, but at least no once can expect me to talk about it. I don’t want to think about how I’m gonna have to explain everything.</i> He stopped for a moment. <i>Shit, I sound really fucking ungrateful, don’t I? People are trying so hard to help me and I’m complaining. Sorry. </i></p><p>“Don’t apologize,” Penney said reflexively. “That makes sense. I don’t think anyone plans on forcing you to talk about it if you don’t want to though. If you just say no, that’s enough.” </p><p>
  <i>I’m sorry, have you met our friends? Name anyone excluding Josh who has ever taken ‘no’ for an answer.</i>
</p><p>Penney opened his mouth to protest, but no. That was accurate. “Yeah, well, if they try to force you they can go through me,” he eventually said, if only to put an end to the discussion. </p><p>Honestly, he understood where the guy’s worries were coming from. It was a near definite thing that everything was going to be awkward at first. A little awkwardness was better than never solving anything though. </p><p><i>My knight in shining armor,</i> Quentin thought at him, sarcasm flooding Penney’s senses. </p><p>“Shut up.” He snapped, a fond smile playing in his lips. </p><p>They lapsed into silence once again, disturbed only by the soft radio playing in the background.</p><p>A little while later Penney was hanging curtains, because Quentin didn’t own a ladder and Penney didn’t trust him on a wobbly stool. </p><p>“Hey, hand me- sorry, can you hand me the smaller screwdriver?” He asked, cursing himself for almost messing up again. </p><p><i>Why do you care how you phrase it if you know I’ll do it anyway?</i> Quentin asked, handing Penney the smaller screwdriver. </p><p>Penney looked down at him, exasperated. He thought they’d been over this. “Because, man, it’s the principal of it.” Quentin didn’t respond, already doing something else. Penney rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter what you would do with a choice if I don’t give you one. It’s just...wrong not to.”</p><p>Quentin shrugged, going back to lining up his bookshelf. The apartment was mostly set up. Penney knew Eliot wanted to repaint eventually, as he would be living here whenever he was on Earth, and Alice and Kady were going to insist on double checking all the wards, and Margo would probably forcibly replace a lot of the decor. But for now? It looked damn good for being finished in one day by two people with minimal magic. </p><p>Penney was exhausted by the end. Quentin looked beat too.</p><p>They waited till the next day to go to Penney’s dorm. Not wanting to risk opening an unstable portal to Fillory, Penney just traveled all his stuff to his room there. Quentin was there to help Penney touch more things at once to cut down the time it’d take. </p><p>At some point he figured he’d move in with Kady, but it was still soon after his resurrection, and they both wanted to do their relationship the right way this time. No lies, no secrets, no hiding their feelings, no bullshit, and no rushing things. Which meant Penney wasn't going to fuck it up by asking for something so big so soon.</p><p>Quentin helped him unpack. And with that, their Breakbills careers reached an official end.</p><p>—————————————————</p><p>Quentin turned 25. Fucking finally. As it turned out, Eliot was the only other person who had known Quentin’s real age up until this point. Everyone else was quite upset to learn that they’d been wrong this whole time. </p><p>His birthday could not have been a more enjoyable disaster. </p><p>Eliot and Margo threw him a party in Fillory, with all of their friends as well as a load of random people to fill the room. Or maybe Quentin knew them; Penney hadn’t exactly made a huge effort to meet new people since his resurrection.</p><p>It started with Penney dropping Quentin and Eliot off on Earth the night before. He briefly wondered if they figured out a way to have sex yet, and immediately began thinking of memory-erasure spells. He did <i>not</i> need that imagery in his head, thank you very much. </p><p>The next day he helped Margo prep all morning while Eliot distracted Quentin. He wondered when he became the type of person who did nice things like this. He honestly couldn’t imagine himself putting this much effort into a party for Kady. Then again, Kady would hate him if he did something like this for her, so maybe that had something to do with it.</p><p>Then, Penney gathered everyone in Fillory before grabbing Eliot and the birthday boy himself. They had dinner together- one of Josh’s specialties. Penney wondered why they ate so many meals together recently; this definitely hadn’t been a thing when he was alive. Maybe he’d ask someone later.</p><p>Penney would swear for the rest of his life that Alice memorized ice-breaker questions to make dinner less silent. </p><p>It was pleasant though. They made decent small talk, and everyone was used to Penney occasionally chiming in for Quentin. Or, as used to it as they could be. It didn’t ruin the whole mood anymore. That was nice.</p><p>Penney honestly couldn’t believe how well it went. </p><p>After dinner came one of Eliot and Margo’s more typical parties. It was fantasy themed though, which was interesting. Quentin seemed to like it enough. </p><p>Penney noted some distinct differences from how most parties were. The lights were dimmer, the sounds slightly muted, and the room was magically temperature controlled. The drinks also weren’t as strong, nor as odorous, though they were still perfectly capable of fucking someone up if they took too many. It almost seemed like they- no. They did. Margo and Eliot Quentin-proofed the party. </p><p>Quentin was prone to sensory overload, and hated drunk people. Well, it was less hatred and more fear. Penney didn’t know where it came from; he’d had it since Penney had met him and he’d never asked. Somehow everyone knew it was a sensitive topic.</p><p>Penney spent most of the night watching Quentin from across the room.</p><p>Margo and Eliot treated him normally; made him the center of attention against his will, embarrassed him, gave him gifts, good-naturedly berated him for hiding his age, and insisted (without actually ordering) that he get drunk.</p><p>Penney didn’t need to by psychic to see how elated Quentin was for them to treat him as himself instead of as a victim. He hoped everyone else noticed too. Penney did his best to be as normal as possible, and he’d say he was pretty good. Kady was the best, and Josh was the worst by far. Unfortunately, everyone else was closer to Josh’s end of the spectrum. But not tonight. Tonight was normal. Tonight was good. </p><p>The next day was not good. Penney realized he hadn’t gotten drunk in over two years at that point. He was basically an alcohol-virgin until Quentin’s party. Needless to say, drinking his usual amount did not go over well. </p><p>It was worth it though. </p><p>A good night is almost always worth the hellish morning after.</p><p>——————————————————</p><p>Penney was sitting on Kady’s desk while she brainstormed on her whiteboard. They were trying to think of ways to increase accountability across the Hedge community without causing outrage. </p><p>“Well, you could just wait till next time and then make an example out of them?” Penney suggested. </p><p>“I can’t wait till next time Penney; people are doing fucked up shit now, and they’re good at hiding it.”</p><p>Penney nodded, racking his brain for a better plan that wouldn’t incite more disunity amongst the already scattered group.</p><p>There was a knock, and both magicians turned towards the door. It was Quentin, with a thick white envelope in his hand, and his signature messenger bag across his shoulder. </p><p>“Oh, hey Q,” Kady said.</p><p>Quentin gave a small smile to Kady, and raised his eyebrows at Penney as ways of greeting them.</p><p>It was almost unnerving how normal Quentin could seem under the circumstances. If he didn’t know better he might never guess something was wrong. As much as he hated to admit it, he understood how no one had noticed for the last two years.</p><p>Quentin raised the envelope in his hand, before placing it on Kady’s desk and making his way to leave the room. </p><p>“Any interest in sticking around?” Kady asked. </p><p>Quentin frowned apologetically and jerked his thumb towards the door, signaling that he had to go. </p><p>“Okay, check in soon?” She asked, and was answered with a nod.</p><p>Quentin tuned to walk out of the room. “Need a ride?” Penney offered. </p><p>Quentin shook his head in the negative, shrugging his shoulders forwards rather than up. Penney got the message that he was good. He nodded his goodbye, and Quentin did the same, offering a quick wave to Kady as he left. </p><p>Penney picked up the envelope, discovering it was full of money. </p><p>“Damn, what’d he owe you for?” Penney asked lightly.</p><p>“Nothing.” Kady’s voice was flat. “He just likes to help out I guess.</p><p>“Huh,” Penney said. “Nice guy.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kady said, sighing. “We pretty much have the system of him dropping of cash and I do favors whenever he asks. Which isn’t much,” she added as an afterthought. </p><p>“How is there that much money coming out of a tiny bookstore?” Penney asked, peeking into the large envelope again. </p><p>Kady shrugged. “I think he has some deal with a few local elementary schools or something.”</p><p>Penney nodded, though he had no idea what something like that would entail. “It’s sorta disturbing how good he is at not talking.”</p><p>“Yeah...” She trailed off, and Penney took the sign that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. </p><p>He thought for a minute. “Okay, so, what if you took some hedges you really trust.....”</p><p>They spent the rest of the day brainstorming, Quentin slipping out of mind entirely.</p><p>————————————————</p><p>“No, Eliot.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because I don’t fucking work for you?”</p><p>“You’re living in my castle!”</p><p>“Fine then I’ll just leave and-“</p><p>“EEP!” Penney was cut off from his argument with Eliot by Alice’s screech as she teleported into the room, tripping and almost falling before Eliot caught her.</p><p>“Hello Alice,” Eliot said, voice indifferent even as he held her up. Penney nodded his greeting. </p><p>Alice huffed, straightening her skirt, and Penney noted a small stack of papers in her hand. “Where’s Quentin?” She asked. </p><p>Penney was about to answer, but Eliot beat him to it. “Why?”</p><p>“Because I need to talk to him.”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>Alice rolled her eyes, but handed over her papers to Eliot. “I found a way to remove the silencing charm, but I need to talk to him first.”</p><p>“Why?” Eliot asked, sounding suspicious. Penney was getting slightly sick of his overprotective boyfriend act, but decided to remain silent, wondering how it would play out. </p><p>“Ever heard of consent, Eliot?” She snapped. Eliot raised his eyebrows, signaling that he knew there was more to it. Alice sighed. “It wasn’t meant to be removed by anyone but the caster, so while it’s possible....it’s going to hurt. A lot.”</p><p>Eliot sucked in a deep breath, and loudly let it out. “Oh.....shit. Couldn’t we just knock him out?” Penney was distantly impressed with his practicality. </p><p>Alive shook her head. “He has to stay conscious the whole time or it won’t work. It should only take me a minute, but it’s brutal.” Eliot nodded. </p><p>“Sounds like good leverage,” Penney responded after a brief moment of silence. He rolled his eyes at their horrified faces. “Over 23, dipshits. We tell him what Alice found and say that he lost his bargaining chip. He can either make it easy for us or we can make it hard for him.”</p><p>“Well,” Alice said. “He’ll know that there is no removing the...obedience curse.” She rushed out the last two words, and Penney could hardly blame her; it was horrifying when they stopped to think about it. Quentin was, for all intents and purposes, a slave. <i>Their</i> slave. Penney loathed that idea more than anything. “Trust me, I’ve looked everywhere,” Alice continued. “It wasn’t designed with removal in mind. So he still has leverage. It’s worth a try though.”</p><p> </p><p>They did try. It went nowhere. 23 laughed in their faces. He didn’t believe them and wouldn’t even glance at Alice’s papers. A month in a cold, desolate dungeon had done nothing to wear him down. He seemed to have realized that he was doomed to eternal misery and had chosen that if nothing else he would get joy from Quentin’s suffering.</p><p>It was decided that they would go find Quentin and ask him what he wanted to do. </p><p>Quentin was on Earth with Julia; some shitty sci fi move had come out and they claimed they absolutely needed to see it together. Distantly Penney found it comforting that they could all do these things now instead of constantly trying to save the world.</p><p>Penney traveled himself and Alice into Quentin’s apartment, where the man was sitting on the couch facing Julia who sat on the other side. They were rapidly texting each other with excited gestured and facial expressions that Penney couldn’t make sense of. </p><p>Knowing the two of them, there were probably paragraphs upon paragraphs of theories and opinions based off the movie in their message history, because god forbid they just watch something and move on with their lives.</p><p>Quentin looked up and made eye contact with Penney. His eyes immediately widened and he jumped up from the couch, standing up straight. Julia turned around to see what had happened, and then turned back to Quentin, looking concerned. </p><p>The short man blinked and shook himself, waving to Penney with an apologetic grimace and nodding at Alice.</p><p>“Quentin,” Alice said, voice tight. “We have to talk.” Her eyes flicked to Julia. “Alone.”</p><p>Penney rolled his eyes; why did she have to make this seem so dramatic? “She found a way to fix your voice,” he said, monotone. “But we have to talk about it first.”</p><p><i>Lovely paradox you’ve created there,</i> Quentin thought to him. Penney rolled his eyes, but smirked all the same. He selfishly thought he was going to miss this; Quentin was normally much too nervous to joke around the way he did mentally. He was significantly more boring out loud. </p><p>Not that he wanted Quentin to stay mute, quite the opposite actually. He wished the guy would actually talk more once he could. Maybe even get over his nervous stutter.</p><p>“So you good with Julia staying?” He asked, trying to speed the process up. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to rush this; it wasn’t like the spell could be done today, and he had nowhere to go after. He just wanted it over. </p><p>Quentin nodded, and  Penney and Alice each sat down in the two chairs across from Quentin’s couch. </p><p>“So,” Alice started, handing her papers across to Quentin. “The spell is simple. It requires a few rare ingredients but I know where to find them. It only takes a minute to cast, though it is cooperative magic, so I’ll need someone else to do it with me.”</p><p>Julia was nodding intently. “Okay, so what’s the downside?”</p><p>Alice hesitated. “Well...It’s not supposed to be removed by anyone except the original caster. So when someone else does it...it hurts. Like really fucking badly.”</p><p>“Couldn’t we just knock him out?” Julia asked. And Penney couldn’t help but laugh a little. “What?” She asked.</p><p>“Nothing,” he said, chuckles dying in his throat. “Eliot asked the exact same thing.”</p><p><i>Eliot?</i> Quentin asked. </p><p>“Oh, uh, yeah,” Penney said, looking directly at Quentin so the girls would know why he was talking. “Alice came looking for you in Fillory first and explained everything to Eliot. Sorry.”</p><p>Quentin nodded, but made no further comment. </p><p>“We tried to use the work-around as leverage against 23 but he didn’t budge. I don’t think he even believed us,” Alice added.</p><p>“I mean, I’d say I could try, but...” Julia trailed off. Penney understood; every time she’d tried to talk to him he’d just begged her to finish what he started. It was scary and unlikely to get them anywhere. </p><p>“So?” Alice asked. “It’s up to you, Q. We’ll do whatever you want to.” Alice was having one of her rare kind and genuine moments, and her voice matched. There was no demand in it, no implication that she favored one choice over the other. Just a gentle reassurance.</p><p>Quentin nodded. <i>Yeah, uh, yeah. I want to do the spell. Unless that’s a problem or something, I really don’t want anyone going out of their way-</i></p><p>“Oh my god shut up!” Penney snapped, immediately regretting it when Quentin’s anxiety-fueled rant stopped all at once. “Wait, shit, I didn’t mean it like that!” He said, voice suddenly panicked as Julia and Alice glared at him, seemingly picking up on what his outburst had done to Quentin. “Fuck, uhh disregard...that?” He said uncertainly. He still hadn’t found a non-awkward way to cancel his commands. Even the word ‘commands’ just sounded so wrong to him in this context. </p><p><i>Sorry,</i> Quentin thought at him.</p><p>“No, don’t- shit dude I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that. I um- fuck.” Penney took a deep breath, trying to settle himself. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do? We’re all good with whatever. It’s no big deal, we just want to help.” </p><p>Quentin nodded, biting his lip with nerves.</p><p>Penney nodded back. “He says he’ll do it.”</p><p>Alice seemed to have calmed herself down, but Julia was still sending him death glares, not that Penney could blame her. </p><p>“Alright,” Alice said with a forced brightness in her voice. She reached for her papers back, and politely ignored it when Quentin jerked away slightly. “It’s gonna take me a few days to get everything, Penney can you...?” She trailed off, letting him fill in the blank. </p><p>“Yeah, of course,” he replied.</p><p>“Great!” She said. She gave Quentin one last sympathetic smile. “It’s gonna be okay, Q.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks sm for reading, sorry for any errors or if it’s just bad. i’ll try to update soon!<br/>your comments mean the world to me!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Waiting Game</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey y’all sorry my chapters have been getting further apart. I got a new job and my school is back in person now so i’ve been really busy, i promise im not abandoning this tho.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penney and Alice walked side by side down long rows of plants. They were in a magician-owned greenhouse near the coast of Peru. Penney could see the ocean far off in the distance. He wondered how large the few boats he could make out from here were.</p><p>It would be another hour till sunset, and him and Alice had been traveling the globe since before dawn, as they needed something that exclusively bloomed in the first rays of sun. He was exhausted, but had to stop himself every time he went to ask Alice if they could finish the next day. He had no right to be tired considering what Quentin was going through right then.</p><p>Alice took a lot of time selecting specific leaves from certain plants, though Penney had no idea why. A lot of the time he was surprised Alice wasn’t a naturalist; she was really good at this kind of stuff. Then again, there wasn’t much she was bad at.</p><p>However, when she has picked at least fifteen thorns off of one branch only to throw them each away, he had to ask. </p><p>“Why do you keep doing that?”</p><p>“Doing what?” She responded, voice as stiff as her posture. </p><p>Penney suppressed an eye roll. “Picking thorns off and not using them. They’re literally all the same.”</p><p>“No, they’re not. Exactly one thorn per bush has a special substance inside of it and it has to be found by hand.”</p><p>“Oh,” he said dumbly. “Can I help? Picking every individual thorn off seems like it might take awhile.”</p><p>She sighed, as if his suggestion was unreasonably stupid. “Do you know what the substance looks like?”</p><p>“You could always tell me.”</p><p>Alice opened her mouth, doubtlessly to further solidify her position as the group know-it-all, when the thorn she snapped  off began leaking a blue liquid. It ran in a stream down the side of her hand, but got no further before she began capturing it in a glass vial. The vial filled roughly halfway before the (shockingly small for containing so much liquid) thorn ran dry. </p><p>Alice quickly corked the bottle and placed it in her bag along with the other ingredients she had borrowed.</p><p>“Yeah I think I could’ve picked up on that if you let me help,” Penney sassed.</p><p>“Not if you want Quentin to go back to normal. It can’t be picked by male hands.”</p><p>“Of course it can’t,” Penney said, defeated. Why did magic always have to be so particular? “What’s next?”</p><p>“We only have one more thing, and it’s here,” Alice replied. <i>Thank God,</i> Penney thought to himself as Alice took off down the isle between the thorn bushes and the vines Penney swore moved a little every time he looked away. </p><p>He quickly followed her, only taking a few seconds to fall into place on her left. “So...” he said, struggling to make conversation. “How’d you even find this spell?”</p><p>“I spent weeks looking; I couldn’t exactly leave Quentin like this. I was considering cutting another deal with the Library by the time I found it.” Penney raised his eyebrows in surprise. “What?” She asked sharply.</p><p>“Nothing, it’s just.....really? The Library? Didn’t they inprision you for a year or something?”</p><p>“A little less, but yes. But it’s Quentin, Penney. And if I didn’t owe him everythhng before, I do now.” She paused, and Penney knew she was thinking about everything he’d done for her, and everything she’d done to him. “I can’t believe I was so stupid!” Her voice was angry and dark. “I mean- oh my god how did I not realize?” She was close to tears then. The mood swing threw Penney through a loop. If he was 80% more of a douche, he thought he might make some period joke like the boys he knew in Florida. He’d hated those boys. </p><p>“Hey, Alice, cut that shit out. It’s not on you. I know it’s been weird seeing him like this lately-“</p><p>“But that’s just it!” Her voice was a yell without actually being loud. Penney didn’t know how she managed it. He shook his head, reminding himself to focus. “It <i>hasn’t</i> been weird at all!” Alice continued, oblivious to Penney’s (obnoxious as all hell, if Penney did say so himself) internal monologue. “He’s exactly the same! If I didn’t know better I don’t want to imagine how long it would’ve taken me to notice.” She turned to him, and he saw something akin to desperation in her eyes. She was desperate for him to understand just how screwed up this was. </p><p>Penney sighed. Fuck. What could he do with that? Penney had been unnerved by how Quentin had been acting, but everyone else....They were weirded out by Penney talking for him. That was about it. No one had really questioned the rest of it.</p><p>He thought back to when he mentioned how disturbing it all was to Kady. She had gotten distant and refused to talk more about it. Was this why? Was it because the only thing she was disturbed by was how undisturbed she was?</p><p>“Shit. I didn’t really think of how it must be for you guys,” he admitted. “When I left he was still....ya know...” trailed off. Quentin had never been outspoken or confident. He’d always been a bit of a doormat, but he wasn’t like <i>this</i>.</p><p>Alice nodded. “He was still himself,” she filled in. She took a deep breath, and wiped away tears Penney hadn’t noticed gathering in her eyes. “Let’s just get this done,” She said, voice slightly unstable but determined nevertheless.</p><p>Penney nodded and they continued down the rows, in search of their last ingredient. Whatever that was. Alice really needed to be less withholding with essential information. </p><p>——————————————————</p><p>It took Alice four days to prepare the spell. </p><p> </p><p>On day one Penney found out Quentin was off his meds again. </p><p>In their first year, in the few weeks before they received their disciplines, Quentin and Penney had called a truce. They figured defeating the Beast might be slightly difficult if they were at each others necks the entire time. It didn’t take long for their grudging alliance to grow into a strong friendship. </p><p>One night they were drunkenly spewing their backstories. For the first two hours, 99% of it was bullshit. For the first two hours, Quentin had grown up in the Italian mafia, and Penney had been an astronaut before Breakbills. </p><p>After those first two hours things got far too real for both men. After those first two hours, Quentin’s parents had gotten divorced after his father found out his mother had been hurting him and encouraging him to kill himself. After those first two hours Penney had tattoos to hide scars from when he had gotten jumped by racists and shitty (i.e. horrifically abusive, though Penney prefered to ignore that technicality) foster parents. After those first two hours Dean Fogg had stolen Quentin’s meds and the voices made Penney feel like he was being torn apart from the inside. </p><p>In the morning, they didn’t talk about it. Or at all for a few days. If Quentin found his meds on his dresser with an aggressive sticky note demanding he take them, he didn’t mention it. If Penney found a potion in his bag to temporarily disable his psychic powers, and another one a few times a week from then on, he didn’t mention it. </p><p>And, if nearly 6 years later, Quentin found the same bottle of pills with the same sticky note on his nightstand, he was physically incapable of mentioning it.</p><p> </p><p>On day two Kady asked Penney to move in with him. He did. </p><p>This time she was the one who helped him touch everything at once to make it in a single trip. He had his own nightstand, dresser, and closet. It was more than he’d ever had in a shared space. They even put up a framed picture of themselves, laughing at how horrifically <i>suburban</i> it was. </p><p>Quentin gave them a pineapple as a housewarming present. Penney couldn’t help but give him a weird look. Kady had screamed at him, but failed to hide her laughs as she did. Quentin just stood there, hands clasped, doing a rather pathetic job at hiding his grin behind a mask of perfect innocence. </p><p>Quentin nodded when asked if he could get the story later, and ducked when Kady threw a pillow at him. She threatened him with death, biting her lip to keep her smile down. Quentin moved his hands up and down to  resemble a scale, wordlessly asking what was in it for him.</p><p>“Your life, asshole,” She laughed, and Penney had never needed to know anything more. He didn’t care what he had to do to get the story. Much to his dismay, Quentin had to leave soon. Apparently Margo needed his help with something. </p><p>“I’m coming for you Coldwater, I will find out what happened,” He said, grinning through the threat, and careful not to order Quentin into it. </p><p>Quentin just smiled and started to make a gesture which Penney didn’t get the chance to make out before Kady frantically slammed the door on him.</p><p> </p><p>On day three Josh baked a pie. Truthfully that was the highlight of the day. Penney ate a blueberry pie. This one wasn’t even laced with anything. It was just really fucking good.</p><p>On day four Kady was in an important Hedge meeting, which technically she could’ve gotten Penney into, but he’d be lying if he said we had any desire to go. He was all for helping behind the scenes, but he’d be damned if he had to put up with all of them. No thanks, he was fine dealing solely with Kady and those closest to her.</p><p>Instead, he sat in Quentin’s shop as the man quietly ran through all his tasks. Paperwork, stocking shelves, sorting through the bakery (seriously, why was there a bakery in a book store? Was this a new thing Penney had missed?), cleaning, and probably other things Penney ignored in favor of snooping through his desk. There was nothing interesting.</p><p>Eventually though, Quentin ran out of things to do, but had to keep the store open for a few more hours. Penney had nothing better to do than wait with him. </p><p>They began flinging charms back and forth, trying to see who could do the most impressive party trick. </p><p>Quentin made fireworks, and Penney made a rainbow. Quentin took a book apart, made the pages fly around and create pictures out of their own folds, and then put it back together. It was pretty. Penney made the mural on the ceiling come to life. Quentin pulled the sun off a model solar system in the corner of the room, held it in his hand, and expanded it into a ball of light which exploded across the room, leaving Penney exhilarated despite not doing anything. </p><p>Penney made the motion as if he was smoking, and created smoke rings. He jokingly wrapped one around Quentin, ‘tying’ him in place despite the smoke only being an illusion. </p><p>This was a mistake. </p><p>Someone else observant might not have noticed, but Quentin’s already stiff shoulders hunched even further, he bit the inside of his cheek, and his eyes widened as they began flicking between the exits. </p><p>Penney quickly made a show of removing the ring, trying to save the mood. He mentally debated if he should apologize or if that would make it weirder, and eventually settled on an apologetic face but otherwise gave no indication he noticed anything was amiss.</p><p>They stopped doing magic after that.</p><p>Which meant that Penney was bored. He lay on top of Quentin’s desk, head handing off the side. </p><p><i>You know, you could read something,</i> Quentin thought at him, making Penney jump just slightly. It had been awhile since Quentin bothered sending him any thoughts, instead relying on gestures the way he did with the rest of their friends. </p><p>Which was...wrong. Penney didn’t know why he hadn’t noticed, but now that he thought about it, he hated it. Quentin had gone at least a week (and probably more) without expressing a single word to anyone. Why wouldn’t he....? Penney blinked, trying to clear his head: he needed to respond to the conversion. ‘Be normal, Penney’ he thought to himself. Then again, why should he have to be normal? Quentin wasn’t. ‘Focus,’ he told himself again.</p><p>“If I never touch a book ever again it’d be too soon,” Penney said, dramatically shuddering at the memory of his time in the Library. </p><p>Quentin raised a judgmental brow at him, wordlessly asking what the fuck he was doing in a bookstore.</p><p>Penney rolled his eyes in return, spinning around so he was sitting on top of Quentin’s desk instead of lying across it. “Alice said the spell would be ready tomorrow.”</p><p>Quentin froze for a moment before nodding. Penney was reminded of the smaller msn’s reservations. “You need me to threaten everyone?” Quentin shook his head. “Because, you know, that is a sacrifice I am totally willing to make for you,” he continued, slowly losing his practiced deadpan to a smile as Quentin gave him a bitchface. </p><p>
  <i>How benevolent of you! Oh how will I ever repay your generosity?</i>
</p><p>“I always accept gold. Or stories about pineapples.</p><p>Quentin raised his eyebrows, amused. He then squinted at Penney as if trying to understand something. </p><p>“What?” Penney asked, suddenly self-conscious under Quentin’s studying gaze. </p><p>
  <i>Do you think I should get a tattoo?</i>
</p><p>Penney suppressed a laugh. “You have one.”</p><p>
  <i>Don’t remind me.</i>
</p><p>Penney did laugh that time. The tattoos on their backs were not exactly associated with happy times. “What kind of tattoo were you thinking, Coldwater?”</p><p>The smaller man shrugged. </p><p>“Oh c’mon you gotta- I wanna know more: what does Quentin Coldwater want on his body for the rest of his life?” He barely avoided a command. He wondered if the phrase would’ve even be specific enough to work. Oh well, better safe than sorry. </p><p>Quentin rolled his eyes. <i>I don’t know, I didn’t really get that far.</i></p><p>“It can’t be too hard. What do you like? Fillory? Get...like...Ember’s dick or something.”</p><p>
  <i>There’s something wrong with you.</i>
</p><p>“Me?” Penney asked. “Take a look in the mirror man.”</p><p>
  <i>Touché.</i>
</p><p>There was a beat of silence, before Quentin technically didn’t break it.</p><p>
  <i> I kinda wanna get Castle Whitespire on my bicep.</i>
</p><p>“Since when do you have a bicep?”</p><p>Quentin tossed a stale cinnamon bun from the bakery at him, which Penney dodged with ease. </p><p>
  <i>Say what you want but those books saved my life, so.</i>
</p><p>Luckily Quentin’s back was turned as he said it, so he didn’t see the strange look that passed over Penney’s face as he remembered something from a very long time ago. Penney quickly stored the thought for later and carried on the conversation.</p><p>“Whatever man. If you’re serious about it then I know a guy. A little pricey but worth it.”</p><p>Quentin nodded, and the conversation ended there. Penney sighed and went back to lying on Quentin’s desk.It was going to be a long hour until closing.</p><p> </p><p>The next day, Alice was knocking at Kady and Penney’s apartment early, and Penney opened the door with a yawn. </p><p>She spoke only one sentence. “Are you ready?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>there you go i guess, thanks for reading! sorry if you didn’t like it</p><p>i love your comments! ik i don’t really respond to them but i promise i read them all and they mean the world to me!!</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. That Beautiful Sound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>here’s the next chapter! i hope you like it, sorry updates have been coming slower :/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In a flash, Penney and Alice were in Fillory. Alice went to retrieve Eliot, and Penney made his way to Quentin’s door.  He knocked twice before it swung open, revealing Quentin. He was in loose jeans, rolled up at the bottom and likely (though Penney couldn’t see) tightly belted at the top, plain white socks, and a shirt that looked like it may have once fit but was now far too large. </p><p>“Ready?” Penney asked, voice still somewhat thick with sleep.</p><p>Quentin only nodded. They walked side by side to the throne room. Eliot and Alice were already there. The two of them wore the same attire as always, though Eliot seemed different. He was sober, for one thing. But it was also that his air of indifference was subdued. The tall man most definitely cared about this, and Penney supposed he wasn’t sure how (or if) to show it. </p><p>Quentin stood with his feet together, shoulders tense, hands clasped, and head completely down. Penney frowned; Quentin had been slowly gaining the confidence to at least <i>act</i> like he thought he belonged in the same room as his friends lately. Penney knew the guy was probably just nervous, but he couldn’t help worry if Quentin was retreating into himself even more. </p><p>Eliot moved across the room and wrapped an arm around his boyfriend, and Quentin relaxed slightly into his side, though his head remained bowed. </p><p>“So...where is this happening?” Eliot asked.</p><p>“I’ve prepared a room at Breakbills,” Alice replied, voice slightly shaky. “It has the most stable circumstances, and anything we could need incase something goes wrong. Not that it will,” she assured, seeing all parties tense, “but just in case.”</p><p>Everyone nodded, and Penney stuck his arm out into the middle of their circle. Three paler hands touched him, and in a flash they were in Alice’s office. </p><p>Alice began explaining what would happen as she lead them down a familiar corridor, and then several more that Penney had never seen.</p><p>“Eliot and I will cast the spell,” she said. “Penney you’ll need to....” she trailed off, presumably trying to rephrase. They’d been trying recently to stop talking about Quentin as if he wasn’t in the room, a habit Penney was disgusted he’d managed to pick up in the first place. “Quentin,” she redirected. “Penney is going to need to hold you down. The spell is going to hurt, but it won’t cause any physical harm unless you hurt yourself. I’ve researched the best way and I think the only way is if we tie you up and then someone holds you in place.” She spoke professionally, but quickly and with a lot of evident nerves. She knew this was not going to be received well. </p><p>“Woah, what?” Penney asked. “Isn’t that something Eliot should be doing.”</p><p>“Uhh, yeah, I second that,” Eliot replied, looking at Quentin with no shortage of concern. </p><p>She sighed. “Eliot has to cast the spell.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t a paralysis spell work even better?”</p><p>“We don’t know how that would interfere with the magic, and we can’t afford to risk it.”</p><p>“Well then why can’t I do the spell instead of Eliot?”</p><p>“The spell works better with someone Quentin has been...<i>close</i> with.” </p><p>Great. Penney was the only one here who hadn’t fucked the nerd, so now he had to do this shit. God, why hadn’t Alice me mentioned this before?</p><p>“Coldwater?” Penney asked. While holding his friend down would be awkward for him, he knew Quentin would be suffering much worse. Penney could not think of a worse person than himself for this. </p><p>“It’s not up for debate-“ Alice protested, but Penney cut her off with his hand.</p><p><i>Doesn’t sound like it’s up for debate,</i> Quentin thought at him, resigned.</p><p>“Sorry man,” Penney offered as Alice opened a door, leading them into a room made completely of white concrete. </p><p>The only item in the room was a dark wooden dresser pushed again the back wall. </p><p>Alice pulled Eliot over to the dresser and began explaining the spell as she pulled various containers out of the draws, leaving Penney and Quentin across the room.</p><p>Penney got the sense that Quentin didn’t want to talk, so instead Penney leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sitting, and Quentin soon followed suit. They watched the other pair in an almost comfortable silence.</p><p> </p><p>It was another eternity (roughly an hour, though Penney had no access to a clock) before they were ready to begin.</p><p>Penney watched nervously by Eliots side as Alice methodically wrapped Quentin in a thick, flat rope until he was completely immobile. Penney thought back to how much Quentin had seemed to hate his smoke ring the other day, and couldn’t imagine how bad actually being tied up must be.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Alice asked once she finished.</p><p>Quentin gave a small nod.</p><p>“Okay, Penney get in position.”</p><p>Penny pushed himself off the wall and took a few steps till he was crouching beside Quentin.</p><p>“Alright Coldwater,” he said. “Let’s do this. Okay...uhh... I’m gonna push you away from the wall,” he narrated as he did so, trying to let Quentin feel as in control as possible. “I’m sitting behind you, you’re gonna be in between my legs.” Sure, Quentin knew how this was going to work- he heard Alice’s instructions just as well as Penney had- but that didn’t mean he didn’t need the extra reassurance. “I want you to lean back onto me,” Penney said, more careful with his phrasing than he ever been before. “I’m putting my legs on top of yours.” He wrapped his legs around Quentin’s and pinned them to the floor. “And I’m gonna hold your head in place. This good?”</p><p>Quentin nodded as much as he could in Penney’s light grasp.</p><p>“Okay, once the spell starts I’m gonna have to tighten my grip,” Penney said.</p><p>He looked up to see Alice busy shuffling ingredients while Eliot gave him a weird look. Penney figured the taller man wasn’t used to how gentle Penney could be when it was called for. Ew, ‘being gentle with Quentin’ was not a phrase he needed in his head.</p><p>Penney found himself struggling not to squirm as Eliot and Alice did the last minute preparations for the spell. Quentin was bony as hell. He thought Eliot had been making his boyfriend eat at least a semi-regular amount but apparently not. Maybe Penney would have to pick that up at some point. </p><p>It was only another minute before Alice and Eliot stood on either side of him, the tops of their hands smeared with a substance Penney couldn’t recognize. </p><p>“Everyone ready?” Alice asked for the last time.</p><p>All parties confirmed that they were, and Penney wrapped himself a little tighter around Quentin’s fragile frame. </p><p>Alice gave an exaggerated nod, and her and Eliot began a series of tuts in sync, while slowly chanting in a language Penney couldn’t recognize. Hebrew maybe?</p><p>He didn’t have long to dwell on it before Quentin began thrashing in his grasp. Penney was barely quick enough to tighten his grip, straining against his friend’s impossibly strong struggles. </p><p>Blue light began coming off Eliot and Alice, and flowing into Quentin, who’s spasms hadn’t lessened in the slightest, his sharp bones digging into Penney.</p><p>This went on for what could’ve only been a minute and a half at most, but felt like ages to as he struggled to keep Quentin from hurting himself. </p><p>All at once, everything stopped and the only the sound of multiple people breathing heavily was left to fill the room, which felt strangely empty without the presence of the strong magic which had previously filled it. Quentin was completely limp on top of Penney.</p><p>“Did....it work?” Eliot asked uncertainly.</p><p>“I-I don’t know,” Alice said. “It was supposed to hurt a lot, he- he should’ve started screaming or something at some point, but-“ She cut herself off gesturing at Quentin.</p><p>Penney closed his eyes, leaning back against the hard wall. He couldn’t believe this had all been for nothing. </p><p>Then came most beautiful sound he had heard since his resurrection. Well- maybe that was an exaggeration, but in the moment it didn’t feel like one.</p><p>Quentin’s voice was little more than a hoarse whisper, and he spoke only one word before passing the hell out. </p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>———————————————</p><p>It took two days for Quentin to be functional again.</p><p>After he blacked out, Eliot had been the one to untie him,  while Penney and Alice distractedly rearranged the room, eyes flicking back to their unconscious friend every few seconds. </p><p>Penney had then taken Eliot and Quentin to their apartment, and then gone to Fillory to inform Margo why Eliot wouldn’t be back for a few days.</p><p>Throughout those two days, Penney most certainly did not hover. If he was in the room the minute Eliot texted him, before even reading the message, it was unrelated.</p><p>Almost everyone stopped by at least once. Penney spent a lot of time there, presumably incase something went wrong and Quentin needed to be rushed somewhere. Really though, he doubted that would happen. He was just worried. </p><p>Quentin woke up for varying stretches at a time and would make small conversation with whoever happened to be in the room, but didn’t leave his bed until day three. When he did, Eliot would not leave his side. </p><p>“Eliot I <i>can</i> walk,” Quentin eventually told him, voice still quiet and gentle, as if Eliot was the one who needed worrying over.</p><p>And to be fair, he probably did; Penney highly doubted he’d slept at all in the past few days.</p><p>“I know baby,” Eliot said not moving from his side.</p><p>“Ugh, get a room,” Penny said from his spot where he was lying on the floor. </p><p>“You’re the one in my apartment, Penney,” Quentin deadpanned. He tensed up after the statement, as if expecting to be punished for it. Penney wondered how long it would be before he stopped acting like every word he said was a crime. Probably a long time.</p><p>“Yeah it’s yours, but I know you so like...it’s kind of mine by association,” Penney said. It was entirely possible Penney hadn’t slept in two days either. </p><p>“I’m....not sure that’s how it works,” Eliot said. </p><p>Quentin just looked at him with an expression Penney was too tired to read. He might’ve been amused though.</p><p>Penney picked his head up and squinted at him, trying to ignore the bruises on his bare arms, which had come from both Penney and the rope during the spell. Looking at them, it didn’t take Penney long to start comparing himself to 23. He knew that was stupid, especially since he had similar ones across his body, hidden by one of his only modest outfits, but he couldn’t help it. He quickly changed the subject, in hopes of convincing his mind to do so as well. “You should eat. You’ve been asleep for two days.” He then let his head drop back to the floor. </p><p>“I ate,” Quentin answered.</p><p>“No you didn’t,” Eliot and Penney jinxed each other. </p><p>Penney pealed himself off of Quentin’s soft carpet with a groan, searching for his phone.</p><p>He fired off a text to Julia, who had been stopping by several times a day. </p><p>
  <i> He’s finally out of bed. Any interest in bringing food?</i>
</p><p>It took only a moment for her to reply. </p><p>
  <i>Be there soon.</i>
</p><p>Penney closed his phone with a yawn before collapsing back onto the floor. “Julia’s coming with food.”</p><p>“What kind?” Eliot asked.</p><p>“MmmmMmmmmm” Penney replied, hums indicating that he didn’t know. </p><p> </p><p>Penney must’ve passed out, because next thing he knew the door was being closed unnecessarily hard and Julia was calling out a greeting. The sounds of bags rubbing against each other was deafening on his overtired mind.</p><p>He pulled himself into a sitting, and then standing position, and made his way over to the table, where Julia was unloading take-out bags.</p><p>“Breakfast food?” he asked. He couldn’t be sure, b he thought it was later in the day than that.</p><p>“Q’s favorite.” She replied. </p><p>As if on queue, Quentin silently slipped out of his room, closing the door gently before making his was down the hallways “Hey Jules,” he said, nervously, though at a slightly higher volume than Penney had heard so far. </p><p>“Hey Q,” she smiled. </p><p>“I-um, Eliot fell asleep,” he said, jerking his thumb back towards the bedroom. He stood the same way he had in Fillory three days ago, only occasionally looking up to make brief eye contact with Julia. </p><p>She nodded with a warm smile, seemingly not phased at all by his awkwardness. She motioned for him to sit down, giving Penney a nod to tell him to do so as well, and handed them each a takeout container. </p><p>Penney was shocked she knew his order, before remembering that she had technically dated him, even though he had never done the same with her. The two of them ate, while Quentin picked at his. In the end he had eaten about a quarter of it before finally giving up. </p><p>Penney was prepared to stop her from pushing, but she just smiled and offered to put the rest in the fridge for him. Penney was reminded that she had been dealing with Quentin for over a decade longer than the rest of them. </p><p>They made easy conversation, though it was mainly Julia and Penney talking. Penney eventually decided he finally needed to get a real nights sleep now that Quentin seemed okay. Or days sleep. The sun seemed to be out, but Penney couldn’t wait any longer. He said his goodbyes before traveling directly into his and Kady’s bed. He then promptly followed Quentin’s lead and passed the fuck out.</p><p>——————————————————</p><p>Penney woke up at a reasonable time the next morning, meaning he had slept for at least 15 hours. Oh, well, he had earned it.</p><p>He sat up, careful not to wake Kady, who had appeared at some point while he was asleep, and checked his phone. His only message was from Quentin. It was a very long thank-you paragraph. Penney quickly skimmed through it and sent back a simple reply.</p><p>
  <i>You don’t have to mention it man.</i>
</p><p>He cringed. The phrase was ruined by his need to not accidentally forbid Quentin from talking about what happened, but whatever. Quentin would get the point. He wondered if it would even count as a command, considering it was both over text and vague. It was better to be safe than sorry though.</p><p>Penny clicked his phone off and pulled himself out of bed. He took a long shower, and got out to discover he still had a half hour skill Kady woke up. With nothing better to do, he made them breakfast. </p><p>The woman in question came into the room just before Penney cast the charm that would keep the food hot until she woke up.</p><p>“What’s all this?” She asked.</p><p>He shrugged. “Woke up early.”</p><p>“You should do that more often,” she smiled, and pecked his cheek before sitting down in front of her plate. Penney sat down across from her.</p><p>“So,” she began after a few moments of quiet. “We didn’t get a lot of time to talk when I came by Quentin’s,” she said. “Care to give me all the details?”</p><p>He smiled, and gladly unloaded the past three days on her. By the end, he was drained yet relieved. He wondered what Kady would say if he proposed. He then wondered where the fuck that thought came from, and tried to focus back in on what she was saying. </p><p>“...I mean I thought I’d feel better if I knew where the bruises came from, but that’s....fucked up.” Penney had noticed her concern over the bruises when she stopped by, and had whispered that he’d explain later. He decided not to mention his own unless she happened to see them.</p><p>“Yeah, I mean I don’t get why it had to be me. I know it couldn’t have been Eliot or Alice, but literally anyone would be better than me.”</p><p>“He knows you’re not him,” Kady said. “And you guys are good friends, it’d be better than a stranger.”</p><p>He shrugged. “I guess so.”</p><p>In what seemed like no time at all, Penney was clearing the table as Kady got ready to go into the Hedge office. They kissed goodbye and Penney was left alone to process everything. </p><p> </p><p>The group managed to make it three weeks without any more drama.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks sm for reading, sorry for any typos or inconsistencies.</p><p>your comments mean everything to me!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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